Wednesday, April 22, 2009

the first day of the rest of my life

today marks a day of change in ways i can't, won't attempt to put into words - not yet anyhow. i've been asking the universe for some very specific things and some not so specific things - today one of the specifics was realized. next Wednesday, yet another. along this path, a couple of the non specifics have made their way into my peripheral and although a lot of it is confusing and unnerving in some aspects, i am ready to open myself up to them in so many other aspects. i'm not quite ready to write about it all at this exact moment in time and maybe not for awhile, but i can tell you that this blog will be dormant for a bit while a major transformation takes place within my physical and spiritual being. i will also tell you the essence of the blog might not be as you remembered it when i return...remember my "back at it" simply applies to life in general, my life, not triathlon. i've come to know that triathlon is just a small part of who i am, not all that i am and definitely not all that i know.

that's it for now. sending you all big hugs and fast vibes on your upcoming races and training sessions. i'll be there cheering you on :)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

what if...

i didn't train with the purpose of being a triathlete anymore? what would i do? who would i be?

a circus clown? i could travel to the ends of the earth with a painted face and a silly red nose, run around like a goof and bring smiles to children's faces, pet the animals and watch the trapeze artists in awe as they transport themselves from one end of the tent to the other with the ease of an arrow and the elegance of a feather - BUT i'm not all that fond of makeup and i definitely think that a red nose might cause me some serious distractions when walking down the street. running seems to be a problem and circus animals tend to be of the wild nature so i'm not so sure petting them would be the most intelligent decision i've ever made...

a dolphin trainer? i could travel to Hawaii or some other exotic land where i would wear a bathing suit to work each day while i gallivant the waters with Flipper and friends, lingering at the end of each day to witness the beauty of their stellar contours and the grace they emit as they glide seamlessly through the wake of the other, bringing shouts of awe as they flip and turn and splash the crowds with their unconditional love - BUT i hate to swim and the only reason for it is to get me to the bike and then to the run. i'd also find myself in envy of the large monsters for making the practice seem so effortless and free while i flounder around like a sunken ship trying to fulfill her maiden voyage on the windy seas...

an igloo architect? i could live in the billowing winds of Alaska with the cool temps of a rising nation where Eskimos thrive on the wilderness around - the fresh fish in the streams, the long nights of endless sleep and the thrill of building something with my hands for all to see and a nice family to live in - BUT i hate, hate HATE being cold and i'm no good at math and where there are fresh fish in clean streams there are big bears with growling bellies...

a teleprompter? i could live in Hollywood with all of the gorgeous celebrities and their small dogs where life is measured by the car you drive and the label on your ass. i could hold each card with strength and determination to not let one word slip by unnoticed, one exclamation point go unclaimed, dine with the great chefs that appear on Reggis and Kelly or rub elbows with Oprah and her fanfare - BUT i really am not very fond of pretentious people and i can't afford all the material things that would ingratiate me into the lives of the rich and famous, plus i wouldn't get much work done fore i'd be forever stalking the man of my dreams (well if he was a real person and not just a character)...

update - they apparently just use computers for this now :(

non of these seem to be very viable options...maybe i'll just be me and live with the fact that i may not be meant to be a triathlon great. maybe i'll just settle for being able to walk and maybe one day being able to run a mile or two with my kids while teaching them how to shoot and score on an open field where goals are made and big hugs are won. maybe just maybe i'll wait a bit longer before deciding my fate although i have a feeling my knees are in the midst of deciding that for me.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

ART, running and the future

well i had my first appointment with my new physical therapist and can i just say that i am beginning to see a shred of light in the distance? A.R.T. is pretty much going to be my saving grace when it comes to running. i think i knew this in the back of my mind all along - A.R.T. type massage with the guys at Coastal got me through many a long Saturday run session BUT at $75 a pop, i just couldn't afford to keep going and since i had already caused the damage of too much too soon back from knee surgery, i was sort of in no man's land and just praying the imbalances would work themselves out. wrong, but the good Lord Almighty must have been listening because this particular place accepts my insurance - HALLELUJAH, PRAISE THE LORD! after one A.R.T. session, i was running more comfortably then ever - albeit it was probably only a total of 8 min all together interspersed with more painful releasing, but hell - i'll take it. my guy says i'll be back to running in no time flat with two times a week intensive therapy, which literally translates to about a month, maybe two and then i will be on track to race Vineman - not just complete it. so here's hoping that little miracle decides to make an appearance. i sure could use it about now.

the pain in my jaw has begun to subside although now my body is going through withdrawals from the pain pills and giving me massive headaches to contend with throughout the day and night - but this should give way soon as the drug toxins slowly begin to make their way out of my body.

i have gotten up at 445 AM two days in a row now to spin for an hour and do my "bridge progressions" which really make the weaknesses in my glutes and quads extremely apparent but fixing that is the name of the game. MPC was right on with all of his diagnoses and the rehab "homework" he gave me right up the same alley, he just didn't do the A.R.T. on me which apparently seems to be the missing key - the link from injury to health in my little body. i'm grateful that he was able to point me in the right direction and now i can capitalize on his methods and exercises with the A.R.T. and really be on my way to a full recovery...maybe even stronger than i was before but i won't get ahead of myself here just yet. this AM's spin was a particularly sweaty yet motivating one as i sat by the expansive window in my living room with my ipod blasting while i watched the dark become light and the water glimmer in the early morning crest of the sun...truly amazing.

other than that, on a more personal front - i've finally figured out what i am going to do with the rest of my life and its no where near accounting. i hate being stressed all the time and my job is that number one contributor (i mean who graduates with an English/Creative Writing degree and then gets stuck in an accounting management position?!). so come December, after IM is all said and done, i will be starting a program at K State to get my Master's in Educational Counseling for Collegiate Athletes...if God ever made a job just for me and placed it here on earth, i just found it and can't wait to get started. now i just need to figure out how to get the grants and such while working full time...if anyone can do it, i can - i'm a firm believer in the fact that if you want anything bad enough, it will come, you just have to channel it in the right manner.

now maybe i can get back to my fun story telling ways, i sure do miss the tomfoolery of yesterdays past...

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