thank you Jesus...

- for allowing me to be able to run again without pain, as i am finding, it is even more quiet time with you and maggie is loving it.
- for being patient with me as you teach me patience and the discipline i need to have to practice it daily.
- for my bible study and the book of James - the homework has really been working on me lately and i can feel your presence.
- for allowing me to see that i make snap judgements of people and i am not always right, i will work hard to be better at giving the benefit of the doubt without being naive.
- for maggie, i know i complain a whole lot about what a pain in the arse she is, but i do love her so and am so grateful to you for entrusting us with her sweet little heart...even if she is a raggamuffin.
- for answering my prayers at each turn, you truly love me and know me.
- for keeping el hubbo safe and sound, i miss him more than words.
- for leading me on a path of health and recovery - i know you are guiding me and are helping me to discern the best course of action, i promise to continue to pray on it and listen for your answers.
- for the recent friends you have put in my path, more prayers answered for strong Christian role models that i can learn from and grow.
- for loving me enough to break me down when i am riding the "highs" of the world a little too hastily
- for grounding me and showing me humility when i need it most
- for allowing me the confidence to put ALL my faith, ALL my trust and ALL my love in You.

please God, help me

i am completely overwhelmed right now. with the situation with my husband, with the injury to my shoulder, with the coach telling me time off is not the answer but my shoulder screaming at me when i even open the car door, with the Open staring me the face every time i turn around, with me wanting to be better to the point it makes me crazy, with my discontent with my body and the progress (or lack there of at the rate i want) i am making, with the complete fear that over takes me sometimes that bad things are just waiting around the corner to gobble me up, for the stress at work and the slow progress of my new hire, for the exhaustion that i live with daily, for the suffocating feeling that sometimes consumes me, for striving to be perfect for everyone else and not knowing what perfection looks like for me, for always wanting more, for all of this that eats at me to the detriment of my mental health and wellness...please take this from me if it be your will, and if not, please help me to have a discerning and open mind to your will and what is best in terms of your want for the life i am leading. please help me to breathe and concentrate on you and the blessings you have given me.

is she trying to kill us?!?!?!

i think coachie poo had it out for us last night when she came up with this. i mean who names their WOD "Nasty Girl Sleepover" i ask you?!?!?!?

WarmUp:
4 by 400m Run
30 second rest between each 400mfinished in 9:06, i wrote this down wrong on my little board...Nicole clocked me at 9:09. eh, i'll claim either one ;)

MOD:
Review Movements

WOD: Nasty Girl Sleepover (16#/55#)
3 Rounds of Cindy
1/2 of Karen (20/16)
Fran (95/65)
2 Rounds of Nancy (95/65)2
5:30 this. was. AWFUL! seriously, this is the first WOD i actually felt nauseous during, it was the run on the second round of Nancy where i thought for about 2 minutes that i might hurl on the street. i just took the run SLOW and that settled my stomach but DAMN this was seriously no fun. i was done after the 1/2 Karen which is i knew would happen, thank God i didn't try to do Rx'd on Fran and Nancy..separately i feel pretty confident i could have done Rx, but all that together, NO WAY ON EARTH was it going to happen. of course Hot Kim did Rx'd - she amazes me...

*****     *****    *****   *****  *****

1 Round of Cindy is 5 Pullups, 1o Pushups, 15 Squats
Karen is 150 Wallballs...we are doing 1/2 Karen 75 Wallballs (10' mark, but i didn't consistently get it up there, i was hitting the 8' mark regularly...i think wall balls should be adjusted based on your height as a person...just saying!)
Fran is 21-15-9 Thruster/Pullups
Nancy is 400m Run, 15 OHS 

that's all i got...today started month end close at work so i have no time to blog, but meal plan is going better - found out that if i plan meal timing for 2 and 3, i do better in the afternoon. the whole tithe thing still has me feeling uncertain and as i talked to the pastor's wife about it, she said i should definitely pray about it more and find a good answer for myself. so i am going to read two books on it, one pro-tithe, one con-tithe...well not really con as much as it is a refute of the protestant view of tithe and how tithing is of the Old Testament...its all very confusing to me so pray and read i shall until it becomes clear what the answer is for our family. anyway, talk soon. XOXO

DNF...?

maybe...? possibly...? probably. my form this morning was sad to say the least. i loaded too much on my bar but i refuse to drop weight on a WOD if i started with it (unless of course, one of the coaches tells me to, which hasn't happened yet, but for the record, i would not disobey any one of them - they know best), so i plundered my way through a horrific 20 min AMRAP...

WarmUp:
800m Run
Hip Mobility
50 Box Jumps for Time (2:01, first one finished)
2m Weights Plank Hold (25/15)  ***Shelly will be wearing 20# Vest and a 15# Plate

MOD: Clean
AKA "Full Squat Clean"
5-5-3-3-1-1got up to 95#, couldn't get up out of my front squat on 105, but got "in position" 3 times, just couldn't come up out of it :( i'll get there tho!

WOD: "Shelly" 20m AMRAP
3 OH Lunge (135/95)
9 Front Squat (135/95)
1 Wall Climb
29 Dbl Understhis should probably be counted as a DNF, my form SUCKED. did 75# but my OHL were pitiful and my back knee didn't ever touch the ground, well once, but then i fell backward so i just went to "hover" position on those :(
6 full rounds + 12

things to note: 1) i made a special effort to work out today in honor of Shelly's bday because, well i heart her and thought it would be a nice thing to do...too bad my body hates me now for it, 2) this is SHAMEFUL to admit but alas...if i had not already promised myself that i was going to do Shelly's bday WOD for the sheer willingness of participating in a "tribute" to her, i would have had to workout anyway - i decided at 8 that i would HAVE to workout the next morning and i made this decision based on the fact that my last meal of the day CAN include 1/4C of sweet potato IF i work out the next day...my stomach totally hijacked that one and won out, hands down. for shame, 3) Hot Kim is an animal and i aspire to be like her when i grow up, 4) i told THE PASTOR'S WIFE about my intention to start tithing. nothing like having the right hand man hold you accountable. i asked her to pray for me. this is going to be hard, but now, every time i think, "nah, i'm not going to tithe..there's so much other "stuff" i can do with that money" i hear sweet Kelly friend's voice saying, "No, no, no friend. We must be obedient to God in all areas of our lives, not just some of them. Being faithful to God doesn't work that way"...damn. she is SO right. i mean, Jesus did die on the cross for me and it wasn't so i could spend more money at LuLuLemon...tear* so tithing will begin this Sunday, God please help my heart and mind to have a giving and open hand with the money You have given me to manage... 5) prayer list today includes the following:

 - Jamie's boobs, something that starts with a M and is giving her trouble breastfeeding...pray for that to GO AWAY!
 - still praying for Harlan & Casi, that his heart is peaceful and that her heart finds its way back to his, as "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder"
 - Kim S, she's sick and has a LOT on her plate..pray for healing of the heart and body for her.
 - Hot Kim's sister - she is having surgery for an adrenal tumour that is also affecting her pituitary...pray for the baby she is carrying that is makes it through and that they both heal quickly and filled with God loving grace.
 - baby Abby is sick and needs prayers for healing
 - Jamie's friend from college just recently lost her baby girl to cancer...lift them up in prayer, for a supernatural peace and love in their hearts in this extremely difficult loss and time of need.

think that's it. still have to write about the meal plan progress and my small group "thing" but i'll get to that later. right now, i need to get on back to the ol' jobarooni ;) XOXO