sweat, tears and rain

okay, so there really wasn't that much sweat, it was only 60 degrees after all and the tears didn't come until later but the rain - oh was there rain.

the plan was to ride for 2.5 hours by getting in 2 laps at Fiesta and then taking Morena up to the top where i would attempt as many hill repeats as my body would allow. i began the ride at 9AM, over to Fiesta for the laps where, for once, i passed at least 6 people which ordinarily wouldn't have been as monumental except that these people were not all 90 year olds - a great feat in my eyes seeing as how they were all a part of one of the "elite training groups" in San Diego and the fact that there were some gnarly ass winds pushing me every which way. i couldn't lean too much one way because i'd end up swerving too much the other way. i kept it in my big chain ring and pounded out two steady laps - and yes i pushed it but i held strong, not killing myself - a sustained chain of energy throughout each lap. as i finished up the last of the dreaded island, i felt a small tickle of rain on my fingers. the sky looked pretty menacing...rain was coming and i needed to decide the best course of action because i don't ride in the rain - not at all.

when i heard that Denner did IM Lake Placid in the pouring rain last year and did it well, i was in complete awe. how could anyone push a steady pace, much less compete in a race when its pouring down rain? its so dangerous. so unpredictable. so temperamental. so...scary.

i had two optional routes back to my place. i would not be pushing my luck and trying to get in the full 2.5 hours, i just wanted to make it back home safely. option one: go back the way i came which included heavy traffic, two on/off ramps to deal with and a very narrow bridge to contend with. option two: make a full circle, making my way through heavy traffic and a couple of dicey intersections, rounding out to Nimitz and back to my place. i thought i'd take the lesser of the two evils and hit the latter of the options - bad idea. i rode directly into the rain. 30 min on the dry yet blustering island into dark skies, slick roads and irritated drivers wondering why in the hell someone would be out riding their bikes in this mess. as people would honk, i would just grip my bars a little harder and think "well i can't just sit here people, i have to get home one way or another!" and pushed on. in the end, i was soaked to the bone - freezing cold and glad to be on steady ground.

total trip was only around 17 miles, averaging 16.5 mph and i think just over an hour of ride time. by the time i got off my bike, my knee was THROBBING. i don't know if it was the rain, the cold, the fact that i pushed it or a combination of the three. i limped back up to my apartment and drew a hot bath to get the cold ache out of my bones and hopefully out of my knee. as i sat in the hot steam and boiling water, i closed my eyes and let myself feel all the pain and the disappointment of this ride. i had pushed it, but not anything insane. if i couldn't even do an 17 mile ride with a steady push containing no major climbs how in God's name am i to do an IM with a run tacked on at the end? my dad's knees kill him everyday of his life. he recently had knee surgery on each leg and the next step is knee reconstruction. he is 58. he never ran like i did and yet he's in pain all the time. i'm 28 and have done a lot of running in my life (both physically and metaphysically but the former is the point of this post) and i'm in constant pain right now - what will it be like when i'm 58? will i be in a wheel chair because it hurts too much to walk? what the hell am i to do with this information, with these thoughts? what do you do when your body is broken, when your mental is broken - swirling, twirling and ending in a broken spirit of unimaginable space? i let my body go limp and my head slip under the clear water that encompassed me, letting the tears float up and broach the surface, breaking the glass-like wall that divided me from the rest of the world even if it was just for a moment...

clear eyes, full heart...

my alarm went off on Saturday morning at 5. i was supposed to meet Roo between 715-730 for a 54 mile ride. i snoozed until 530, knowing i needed to get my breakfast in sooner than later with the way my poor stomach reacts to food and riding. everything down, packed and ready to go - i was out the door and on the road by 7.

here you maybe asking yourself "why in the world would you go from NOT riding your bike in three months, save for a short 25 mile ride 2 weeks ago, to riding 54 miles in one stint? do you really think that's the best idea? have you thought this through?"

your answer would go something like "no because i'm katie b. i have no qualms about killing myself on a training day. i actually welcome it. i want to see 1) if my brain can react to my bodies nutrition needs 2) how my knees will feel now that i am back on Muffasa instead of the too small road bike i was riding before and 3) what exactly my body could do at this exact moment in time. and because i can do anything i put my mind to."

or so goes the conversation in my mind whilst on the one of the dumbest ideas of a ride i have attempted yet. in the end, it turned out well and i am quite happy with the lessons learned and the results achieved.
1) i was slightly faster than Roo last season. she completely kicked my ass on the ride - as in she could have easily dropped me early on and i wouldn't have stood a chance trying to find my way through the route mainly because of my complete inability to sense directions and for the fact that she had the map. thank God we were riding together and she felt responsible for keeping me within sight :)

2) 20 miles in i had the very real, clear thought "this was a really BAD idea."

3) i didn't bonk at all which is HUGE! i had 200 kcals in liquid nutrition from my one water bottle and 400 kcals in vanilla bean GUs. i felt good. actually, surprisingly good for a what seemed to be endless romp of ups and downs, with more ups than downs of course. i finished off the ride by getting down my other bottle of just water and that seemed to be perfect. i did start to feel hungry about a half mile from the end and could have afforded one more GU, but decided i had a feast waiting for me in less than 20 so i opted to wait for that. MPC would have made me go ahead and choke another one down, but he wasn't there so i got away with it. i do think that all of the progress made on the nutrition riding front is due to his diligent harping on our rides together so thank goodness it stuck with me and i was able to know my needs and answer them before they even became a question.

4) my knees felt pretty damn good. even with the excessive addition in mileage, even with all the climbing - my knees never got angry. slightly cranky later in the day, but not angry like they usually are and THAT people is FANTASTIC news! this does not, however, mean that i will be attempting to run today or tomorrow. it does mean that this weekend i may try to do a walk/run combo and see what that produces.

5) total mileage ended up being 56.5 miles (which included a couple of missed turns and round abouts to get back on track), 15 mph (which is SO slow for me, but hey - what did i really expect? - i think Roo probably average at least 16-17) that included hitting every single solitary red light in between Solano Beach and Elfin Road, if i remember correctly 3 hours and 40 minutes of ride time or somewhere there abouts and i think Roo said it was something like 5600 ft. of elevation gain - i didn't really pay too much attention to the numbers, i was just stoked that i had a) completed the ride without dying and b) was about to gorge myself with good food.

6) my friends are great support. thanks Trent and Sam for the route map. thank you Roo for letting me ride with you, for not completely dropping my ass and for being so nice along the way. thank you Iris for everything - there's too much to list, but thank you for all of it. oh and thanks BG for letting me do a load of laundry :)

in the end, i was EXHAUSTED. i felt like a had been thrown up against a brick wall at a hundred miles per hour. i had a seriously hard time moving around for the rest of the day and when i finally got to bed, slept like i always do after a kick-you-in-the-teeth workout - like shit, but oh man was it worth it...

done and done

two 4:45AM spin sessions in two days? done
two yoga classes after work in two days? done

my appetite sure thinks i'm in full force training again, that's for sure. i had already eaten 4 times today by 1:45PM and again at 3:30 to get in some extra energy before attempting the toughest yoga instructor's class (by far - i think he likes to punish us for our undisciplined auras or something to that effect). so after just two days of activity, i'm STARVING! and eating a lot.

oh and i gave up all caffeine, all dairy and all additives this week and i'm trying to carry it as far as i can, or at least for a couple of weeks (Speedy has been seeing a lot of positive side effects from her Lenten denials) mainly because i've had too many "accidental ingestions of the gluten devil" in unsuspecting places, just waiting to pounce and attack my nervous system - sending me into bouts of unpleasantness. so the medical detox shake has been my first meal of the morning for the past 3 days and i'm already starting to feel a bit better. it is simply amazing what the right foods (or wrong ones in my case) can do for/to you! celiac is for the birds i tell ya...

so here's hoping the weekend goes as planned with an easy 60 mile ride on Saturday, time with my Iris and time with Dana (both LONG overdue!), a swim in the dreaded ocean BUT only if the weather is nice - that's the catch! and finally ending it all with a lovely South Beach dinner and catch up time with BG. its a full weekend - let's hope it all comes together smoothly. then, i'm hoping, the momentum will carry me into next week - into early morning swims, evening loops around Fiesta and more yoga to tap into my higher, spiritual self to pray for some sort of Godly guidance in this unclear life of mine.

have a great weekend. talk soon. much love and working out to you and yours :)

baby steps

that's what i was told. and so that's what i have realized i need to do. i normally jump into things head first, no thinking, just acting. this time is different. my head won't let me jump. my heart isn't in it right now, in fact i don't know where that dadgum heart of mine is hiding. definitely not where its supposed to be. and my resolve? where is that? i guess they're hiding out together. i never really liked hide and seek...

i had grand plans this week - time trials, biking and swimming - oh my! but in real time, not much if any of that has happened. i did manage to wake up at 445 this morning to get in an hour spin session but that's it so far. no time trials have happened - at all. i did finally find my heart rate monitor strap only to realize for the 100th time that i have NO clue how to work the damn thing. my electronic stupidity is sort of astounding at this point. but really i didn't even use that as my excuse. for the past two days in a row, i have packed up my car with all of my riding stuff so that right after work i could head straight over to Fiesta to do what my coach has been asking of me - time trial. and what do you know? both days, right about 3 - i feel this huge pressure building in my chest and weighing on my mind and all of the sudden my energy is zapped and training is the very last thing i want to do. so, i don't do it. just like that. giving up before i've even started. who is this person inhibiting my body? where has the girl of last season gone? she was so excited, determined, ready to do it all and with great passion and verve - what has happened to all of those grand feelings? i don't know, but today started with a baby step. this evening i will take another baby step and go to yoga. tomorrow my third and fourth baby steps will occur with another early morning spin and another evening yoga class and then, THEN i will do a real ride out on the actual road early Saturday morning and pray to the Holy God Almighty that it can carry me into the week, through the month and onto the season ahead.

baby steps.

i've got a headache

that was my first thought when i opened my eyes this morning. an out of your mind, eye sockets throbbing, noise exploding headache. and if that wasn't enough brutality for the day - what was the first thing to pop up in my inbox this AM? not the normal training peaks notice "you have no scheduled upcoming workouts today," not even a nice training peaks notice "you have a nice easy spin scheduled for today" - nope, none of those - i get a "get ready to hold onto your helmet for dear life, don't eat anything heavy because you will be sure to puke it up, i want you to metaphysically kill yourself out on the course so you have to crawl back to your car to get home today" kind of workout. thanks Coach, you're the best :-P

bike time trial one - here we go...

okay

this picture has nothing to do with anything, i'm not quite sure why i like it so much...its how i'm feeling i guess...like a wooly mammoth...i am SO weird.

so my first "official" week back hasn't really been all that exciting - well except for my first "official" ride back, which you all got to read about...that was sort of exciting. i mean all that puking has got to be some titillating stuff - i got a record number of hits on the blog that day :) but i digress...

since then i have done two spin sessions while watching nameless shows on the computer and not really pushing anything too much because after Sunday's masquerade of a an actual ride, the knees were quite sore which makes me nervous and scared and the opposite of confident BUT i will not be beaten by this - yet. two months. one month to hate it and hurt a little. one month to start liking it and not hurt. two months total and i better be enjoying myself and feeling good or i will be sitting down to seriously weigh out my options for my future in triathlons. oh and i also did two CP2 yoga classes, can't forget that.

so CB agreed to let me do what i wanted this week (which hasn't really been much, i admit) and then next week...oh next week - all hell will break loose i fear. i have already caught wind of the dreaded time trials (EEK!). for the record, that does NOT make this girl happy, but if i must, i must and i know CB will not let me out of it so i have decided to take this last weekend of doing what i want and have absolutely no training involved with my good times (not because i don't want to, but because i am making a surprise visit to the cutest girl in the world for her birthday party). then i have a feeling i am going to hate my life come Monday morning when i get my new schedule and see what's in store. geeze oh peeze (who even says that anymore?! my grandma, that's who...who's the dork? this girl!).

have a great weekend everyone! katie b is ALMOST back at it...

90 min come hell...or hell

isn't that how the saying goes? no, no. i think its come hell or high water, but since this particular day was pretty damn short on water, i think the above is the best version of the saying i can muster.

the morning started out with Mass at 8AM (its Lent, and along with giving up gum i have also made a promise to attend Mass every Sunday during the season) and luckily there are about 10 different Catholic churches within a 10 mile radius so i have my pick of the litter on this one. Mass was okay but nothing like the church out by BG's so my hunt is still on for the one i can call my own. i got home, had breakfast, got ready to ride and here is where the day became comical, at best. i sat in my riding kit for 30 minutes before deciding that i needed a 30 minute nap before i rode. the alarm went off and then i decided i needed a cup of coffee before i rode. i sat there with my coffee, looking out at my amazing view and literally laughed at the ridiculous amount of energy it was taking to fight with myself about getting off my lazy ass to ride my damn bike. i mean COME ON!

after a total of an hour and a half of lolly gagging around, i finally trudged down the stairs and out to the street to start my jaunt. i had originally planned on heading up to Solano Beach to ride, but decided that was way too much effort on this balmy Sunday morning so i'd be better off riding in sun shiny, high traffic cluster that OB tends to be - AKA cars in OB do NOT = good times in relation to cyclists in OB. so off i was, determined to ride 90 minutes whether i wanted to or not.

it started with me almost getting creamed by a red convertible mustang shooting off like a silver bullet on the hunt for Dracula's heart from a stop sign that he decided to "roll" through, my heart jumping into my throat, carousing my "oh-so-bad-idea" cup of coffee, me slamming the inside of my right tibia so hard into my cleat that it left an immediate baseball sized bruise, all ending in me finally making it to the other side of the rode reeling with fear of all cars, thankfulness that i wasn't dead and dread for the next 85 minutes to come.

i made it over to Fiesta Island without anymore major occurrences of "frogger ending badly", and started my first "easy" lap around the big circle and of course i immediately happen upon a middle aged woman hell bent on not letting me pass. i hadn't even really wanted to pass her - its not like i was out there to race or anything but she kept looking back at me, swerving all over the rode like a drunk person, acting as if i was there to chase her down so i could spit on her back tire as i rode past in over exemplified glory to the finish line, arms raised in victory, where i would collect my 10 million dollar prize and leave her and her dying grandma on the side of the road to wallow in the cardboard box they had been living in since the recession began in 1957. i mean i was clearly there to ruin her an her whole damn family's dreams! so what did i do? i did what any normal triathlete would do - i dropped into my big chain ring, grunted like Homer Simpson and burned right by her. it was all very masculine (well as masculine as a 5'3", 115 lb frame can be) and sort of devilish, but damn - she was begging for it.

a lot of good it did me because about 5 minutes down the road and a good 5 or 600 yards between the two of us i threw up in my mouth...a lot. it even spurted out just as a big truck drove by...you could actually see the red tinted smoothie leaving my lips to sprinkle the dust in a quite grotesque fashion - and as i finished the first lap, somehow talking myself into another, the middle aged lady comes riding up past me - smirking with pride and confidence. "well, good for her" i thought. "way to stick with it!" but there she was again, turning to look how far behind i was, swerving all over carnation - creating a hazard to herself and all of the other drivers/riders/runners on the island. so again - i dropped my gear and hammered past her, around the circle and off of that dadgum island for good. 36 minutes down, 54 to go...

i didn't really have a plan on where to go next so i decided to ride over to Morena and up to it's dead end where i stopped to throw up once along the way, bonked twice and was so happy to ride past side streets that had crazy inclines and happily laugh at the ludicrous thought of possibly attempting to climb them four times. i was more than happy to stay on my rolling path that seemed to kick my ass at every turn, with the insanely hot sun beating down on my back, taunting me in the worst ways to stop and call a cab, but oh no - push on i did, and when i finally got home after another "frogger ending badly" close call, i crawled to my freezer to extract the heavenly wonder of Dreyer's tart frozen yogurt and ate so much that i felt a little ill and finally, FINALLY passed out from the exhaustion of it all.

so 90 minutes, 25 something miles, 17 mph and the thrill of the season tickling my feet - good times, good times.

a good day

yesterday.

it was a good one.

nothing in the way of record books or memoirs - just a solid, good day. had a nice and leisurely 23 or so mile ride from the LLS office to the coast - which by the way ended up being much more climby than i had imagined. i had forgotten my nutrition so i took a water bottle and played follow the leader over to Torrey where i am not ashamed to admit that i did NOT want to descend - so we didn't. i had my first true "off season" moment of i don't need to do this. i don't want to do this. so i'm not going to do this. so we just about faced and headed back. it was that simple, that easy, that glorious.

the 09 Lavaman kickoff followed and i was introduced as "Coach Katie" two separate times and that was way cool. i actually sounded very knowledgeable and maybe a bit insightful according to onlookers and i couldn't have been more pleased with the turnout. i will however have to convince this group that advanced/experienced run is a fun thing and not a torture device we have created to punish them :)

then i got to hang out with my newest posse of friends for a very yummy birthday breakfast, followed up by a visit to one of my very favorite people i've had the pleasure and luck to not only know, but count as a true friend where we spent hours gabbing and catching up. and then it hit me.

i am a lucky, lucky girl.

i have so many caring people in my life - those who bring me up when i am down, those who light the dim rooms and chase away the shadows, those who add laughter and lighthearted antics that only we could pull off in each other's company, and those who just plain like me for me - in all of my weird and meaningful ways.

its a good day when you see the world for all its worth in ways you hadn't even imagined.

maybe its because its November. maybe its because its close to Thanksgiving, or maybe, just maybe its because its life and and i'm grateful to be apart of those lives who mean so much to me on whatever level they reside.

what are your weekend plans?

mine you ask? oh boy -

Saturday will start with a short 6 mile ride to the LLS office, arriving by 7AM to start a 3-3.5 hour ride with John, Jason, Greg and Randy (i think, i don't know the last two, so i don't know if they will actually show or not). we will attempt to navigate our way to the coast where i will continue up until my little heart's content while the others drop off to get back to the office to set up and get ready for the official 2009 TNT Lavaman season kickoff and expo. the perks of being a coach - i get to be late and just have to talk about what i love - running. now we all know i'd love it a hell of a lot more if it didn't hurt me so badly, but that's neither here nor there at the moment - so i'll have to watch my tongue on that one. i wouldn't want to scare the team from the "experienced" run program even before we start the season! then i will ride back to the house, bee line it over to the end of the birthday ride that i am regretfully missing and try to at least make it to the breakfast part of the celebration. that will be followed by me heading to a wonderful friend's house, snagging one of her lovely road bikes* and playing with her gorgeous son.

*this is important because i am now going to be mobile for IMAZ and will not have to rely on a car at all that weekend. i will be able to see much more of the race and maybe be able to add extra special cheers where they are needed most. i can't wait to see BAM destroy this race. Chris and Don are going to kick ass. Mary is going to be amazing and i'll be there to witness it all! yippeeee!

back to Saturday...after picking up my new borrowed toy, i will have to get home, shower, change and head down town for Dana's bday celebration where Joey will be my date (she doesn't know that i call her this in my head so she probably won't even know i'm talking about her, but this is my blog, so i can call her what i want) and we will party till the break of dawn - okay, that's a lie because...

the next day is Sunday and that consists of a 7AM run with the IMAZ crew (possibly), then an 830AM 6mile run coaching clinic with the guru. that should all be VERY interesting seeing as how i have NOT run since Longhorn. i have to remember to take it easy. must. not. die. that will be followed up by a meeting with CB where he will reveal how he plans to kill me next season (i gave him some pretty elusive goals that i will be accomplishing next year and now it is his goal (i'm assuming) to get me there). all i know is its gonna hurt. bad. rounding out the afternoon will be a visit to a friend who is going to try to work out my IT "issues" (hopefully) and get me back into working order so i have a much better chance of accomplishing said goals. and maybe just maybe i'll have time for dinner and a movie after that. maybe. and can i take just a minute to complain even more because, well - i just want to...i have not slept in over a month. all the stuff with creeper and thinking he was going to murder me, moving and now sleeping on a couch. eesh. the worst part is i've always had problems with my insane dream life so i never really "sleep" - but i think this is the worst its been since last November when i wasn't sleeping at all. every morning i wake up on Bri's couch and feel like i have a massive hang over. my body hurts, i'm dehydrated and i feel like my head has been chomped on by a land shark. i need my bed back. the bed that i hate and love at the same time - in all of its cushy snugly goodness, that is massive and is the bane of my moving experience.

i say all of this and talk about all of these big goals of mine after attempting to do an hour spin video last night with Bri and Chris - complaining the ENTIRE time about how exhausted i was, whining about how much it hurt, making excuses for my poor show of strength and then tapping out 10 min before it was actually over. this is not a good example of what is to come, but i do figure i am technically in "off season" - at least until IMAZ is over and CB has time to send me my first program. then i'm in for it. sweat, blood, tears and LOTS of cursing. its gonna be a year of massive proportions and i'm scared shitless. here's to shit, getting in it sucks. rolling around in it stinks, but getting out of it is fantastic. finally washing it off will be even better and i'll be all the stronger and smarter for it! so yes, here's to shit - in all of its stinky glory :)

eww...i'm gross :-P

falling short and pushing limits

alarm off. 4:15. still tired. semi dehydrated. nervous energy - time to roll.

running late. coffee down. breakfast in. Chris here. car packed - time to roll.

fast drive. winding roads. pit stop. camp arrival. gear on - time to roll.

hurried ride. Christmas circle. late start. two bikes - time to roll.

first loop. dry heat. heavy legs. strong ups. speedy downs. SAG savior - time to roll.

gorgeous mountains. salt forming. ice melting. skin baking. good talking. Christmas circle. nutrition consuming - time to roll.

second loop. blazing sun. more talking. fun learning. strength diminishing. boiling water. slower ups. longer downs. SAG wagon - time to roll.

one minute. flat tire. back again. quick changing. more icing - time to roll.

barren desert. thankful company. weakness showing. excessive salting. winds pushing. speeds dropping. legs failing. skin crawling. mind losing. line crossing. Christmas circle - time to stay.

body resigning. promises ruling. water consuming. barriers broken. goals missed. 80 miles. 1000 calories. 6 hours. me stopping. Chris leaving. determined feelings - time to roll.

third loop. desert winds. suffocating heat. body aching. me waiting. Chris hauling. SAG stopping. no aiding. windy battles. strong fighting. Chris succeeding. back safely - time to roll.

campground packing. clothes changing. refueling urgent. dinner eating. exhaustion fleeting - time to roll.

beer drinking. comfortable sleeping. goals set. new day dawning. and yet again - it's time to roll...

too much on my plate

1. i had to have two very uncomfortable conversations this week with two people that i think very highly of and don't want to hurt

2. i have officially been named the advanced run coach for the 2009 TNT Lavaman season - how freaking cool is that?! now i just have to get people signed up who are actually interested in advanced running!

3. being promoted to a higher role at work = lots more responsibility = lots more pressure = lots more stress, but this is good and moves me in the forward direction that i want to be headed

4. effing accounting 101 THAT I AM FAILING MISERABLY, i cry on my way to class each Monday bc i'd rather stab my eyes out with Darth Vader's laser than sit through the most boring lecture you can possibly imagine, given by a robot dressed as a human

5. i'm about to embark on the longest ride of my life, in the driest dessert heat i've ever been in (i've never been in desert heat) - 114 miles worth of sand, wind, sun, sweat and maybe tears - with a pack of very strong riders training for IMAZ. i maybe kidding myself into thinking that i can keep up with them. i guess we'll find out come Saturday. i do know that i MUST get in MORE hydration, MORE nutrition, MORE electrolytes and MORE speed to accomplish this very GARGANTUAN goal of mine

6. i have to have all of my stuff out of creeper's apartment by THIS Friday AM and i have done zilch to start that process except to pay for the storage unit that i will put my too expensive, too big for me, baggage of a bed into for safe keeping until i can move it into my very own, all by myself apartment at the end of the month

7. getting a team together that will make Jennifer proud with the following requirements (if you know of anyone who fits this bill, please let me know). i feel so excited to be able to do this and i want to do it right so i can give this team/organization a chance to really do something special...

i need good people who like to race and train and these are the specs as of now:

TB2 Members:

1. Katie Brunner

2. Rocketpants

3. Brian Melekian

4. Chris Teague

5. ???

6. ???

2009 races:

1. 10K reso run first weekend in January

2. La Jolla 1/2 Mary in April

3. Wildflower OLY or Long in May

4. Vineman 70.3 in June

5. AFC 1/2 Mary in August

i want:

- no community service for now and maybe not for this first season. Jennifer thinks its something we might pick up for the next season depending on how the team meshes, but at some point we will do something like this -

http://outdooroutreach.org/

or this

http://www.sierraclub.org/ico/

- i'd like the team member to do each race. i don't care how fast or not fast anyone is.

- i'd like semi-seasoned triathletes so we aren't having to "teach" from scratch

- i want very upbeat, enjoyable, positive, friendly and dedicated athletes who enjoy training and want to get faster and stronger. i'm hoping we can build a tight knit group. THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE

- i'd like to have Saturday rides/bricks be the "big" workout for the week and something that everyone tries to make it to, the rest of the workouts each week can be done together, on your own, or whatever. this way we can create buzz for the brand as we're kicking butt and taking names on the streets of SOCAL :) this is a commitment.

- coach Brian is offering everyone on the team a training deal that will be disclosed at a later date. he is the official coach of the team and we want to put out a good vibe for his group - TNStraining

- whatever group we end up pulling together for the "team" it will still be open to anyone and everyone who wants to workout with us, no discrimination - even if they're not officially on the "team" i want as many people as we can possibly get to train with us, push us and teach us so we grow as people and as athletes - low pressure, fun and inviting yet still really hard workers, good speed and a kick ass attitude.

you get:

1. 1/2 of each race entry listed above paid for

2. team uniform

3. access to the best coach around

4. and maybe i can talk Jennifer into sending down some BB packs for our workouts :)

mission accomplished

well the morning started off pretty chilly and i was glad to have my new riding vest on to keep my core warm. i ended up wearing my too-big TNT jersey so i could have the extra pocket room for the added "stuff" i was carrying around. i planned pretty well on the nutrition front, but later learned i hit nowhere near the mark in utilizing that plan - more on the "not so much" of it all later. i brought along two water bottles - one filled with about 220 kcals of HEED and whey protein, the other filled with ice water - my "yammie" baggie, an extra baggie of 110 kcal HEED/whey mixture, 4 vanilla bean GU's and 2 berry Roctane GU's. the group consisted of Mary, Don, Elaine, Gia, Tina, Dana, Mikey and some of the other girls training for IMAZ. my ride out was spent with one member or another of the group where as my ride back was pretty much solely on my own and i didn't mind either way a bit. it was the perfect mixture of time spent with others and time spent with my self to internalize all the shit i've had on my mind as of late. on the nutrition side, i was still really full from breakfast so i ended up not taking in any nutrition for the first hour or so - well, until we hit the little shop up in Oceanside - that's when i started to get the first batch of liquid nutrition in me and up we went. the first 40 miles out were great - no cars, hardly any riders, nice semi flat course. as we hit Pendelton, i was wishing i had followed Mary's lead and worn a tank top because it was pretty damn hot but we kept it at about an 18 mph average pace, especially towards the end of the 40 and i felt great. great until Gia decided to take me on some "really fun ups and downs" in the back neighborhoods of San Clemente, ending at the community center where we regrouped, refueled and i remembered that i was going to be hitting unknown territory pretty quickly. the "really fun ups and downs" we just tackled were probably the worst course of action i had taken all day as i my legs were already starting to feel a little jelly like and although the descents gave a strong push through the many ascents, it was still precious energy and leg power wasted where it wasn't necessarily needed had i stuck to El Camino Real. but its me and what would one of my rides be without a little extra "nonsense" and "shenanigans" to boot. boring that's what. so i was glad to have done it and was ready to tackle the path towards salvation - T's Cafe. the best damn salad i have eaten to date. the California Spring Salad. in a word - delightful. oh just the thought of its yumminess hitting my taste buds made the whole ride worth while (too bad it was closed when i finally moseyed my tired and blood sugar depleted ass over there! had a bridge been near by, i would have thought seriously about jumping off of it!!!).

the ride back was also (sadly) pretty uneventful except for mile 70. i was 10 miles past the longest ride of my life when i started to feel a little loopy. loopy and dehydrated and maybe a little nutrient deficient (did i mention that i had forgotten to bring salt tabs along with?!). unbeknownst to me, i was swerving. not a lot. just a little, but enough so that i was riding pretty close to the white line, if not on it at times when a ginormo truck almost clipped me. that woke me from my stupor and i immediately took a GU and prayed it stayed down, as i had been feeling slightly ill a couple of seconds prior. thankfully, all went well and my loopiness left with the influx of yummy vanilla bean sugar. i silently thanked the truck for the near side swipe and forcing me to take a closer look at my nutrition or lack there of. finally making it back to the car was GLORIOUS! and knowing i had done all 80 miles without any major malfunctions made the victory of the day that much sweeter. Iris, Melinda and John just so happened to be there to greet me and stroke my ego (not that i needed it, i was already on cloud 9) with great conversation and some much needed clarification on the pressing issues that are sort of drowning me at the moment thrown into the mix. i ended up doing 81 miles, 16.8 mph average in 4 hours 49 min, with 600 actual kcals ingested during the trip (i think those were the stats) which did not include my HUGE breakfast and although i would have sworn it was at least 18 mph average, i'll take it and put another milestone notch on the bed post. Coach Brian was not impressed with my lack of nutritional intake and i could hear his disappointment through the text message. it must have been the heat getting to my brain because as i was calculating it on my way to get food and texting him my stats, i actually thought i had maybe over done it. wrong. wronger than wrong. oops. but on the bright side, it got done and i'm not in too bad of shape today. i feel decent, a little run down and mega sore but i just jumped from 60 to 80, what do you expect ;)

well done kid, you've gone and made your ol' self proud.

60 to 80 you say? sure, why not!

so i'm hitting a major milestone moment of truth today, or planning on it anyhow. i am jumping mileage from 60 (longest ride to date) to 80 so i am more prepared for the 114 miler i am going to attempt next weekend out at Borrego Springs. the ride was originally scheduled to start in Anaheim and ride back to Solano Beach then changed to a heat ride out in the Palm Springs dessert and has finally settled on a coast ride - Solano Beach to San Clemente and back. Dana, Mikey and i are covering new frontier and i think they're as excited for the challenge as i am. i'd like to keep a 17 mph pace (or more) but i don't know the route and seeing as how i can get lost on a straight out and back, i don't know how that will manifest itself in the mph - i guess we'll just have to see. the main point of the ride is just getting in the mileage so i need to not concern myself so much with the time - easier said than done :)

so i woke up extra early for breakfast and make an extra special real sweet potato (not yam) barney butter concoction with a half a link of sweet Italian turkey sausage and a cup of Joe with raw colostrum...yum. i cut the mixture into two halves - i plan on putting one half in a plastic baggie and carrying it with me on the ride for a bit of a solid treat half way through - thanks to Madd Max's "yammies" idea. i have a REALLY weak stomach when it comes to the bike or any strenuous activity for that matter and tend to barf so this will be a big step towards my long distance bike training. i'm hoping all goes well.

okay, gotta start getting ready. i'm so excited yet so nervous but more excited to see what the day and the ride brings...

Longhorn 70.3: THE BIKE

as i went into transition, i felt great - great to have that damn swim behind me. now it was time to get on Muffassa and ride like the wind. we had gone over some of the course the night before, so i knew there were quite a few technical turns out there only to follow quite a few "rough" spots that were thankfully and clearly marked by yellow squiggly lines. i had confidence in my ability to avoid the trouble spots while maintaining speed. there weren't many people in transition as i jogged to my designated area so i felt good about my timing out of the water. i had purposely not worn a watch for the race and i had purposely tweaked my bike computer so that it wouldn't activate when i got on. i didn't want any pressure during this first 70.3 race of mine. it was me against me, not anyone or anything else.

race top - check. sunglasses - check. a whole dadgum garden covering my feet - check...?! i seriously wasted a good 2 minutes trying to get the mulch off of my feet enough so that my bike shoes would fit. i knew i should have brought a bucket of water with me, oh well - the towel i high jacked from the hotel did its job. as i wrestled to get the rest of my gear in place, i began to shiver in the 80 degree morning air with the thought of the journey to come. 56 miles of nutrition. 56 miles of speed. 56 miles of me, the white lines, the blue Texas skies and the wide open fields. was i ready for this? was i strong enough, fast enough, good enough to get this done?

YES. YES, a million times over YES. the nervous thoughts were fast and fleeting. as soon as i mounted my steed, i knew the race was on. when i came upon "the turn" that would later (i have read) cause dilemmas and crashes of astronomical proportions, i cruised on by. long slow climb up, sharp 90 degree turn leading to an even sharper 100 yard ascent that i man handled like it was my bitch :) on to the next set of ups and downs, down and outs - i was on top of it all. riding high, riding fast, riding free. i did at one point - i'm guessing around mile 30 - get really distracted by my race number flapping violently in the wind. did i fail to mention the wind out there? holy Lord. there was a bit of a strong head wind at points, but at many others there was a cross wind straight from the Wizard of Oz out to get me. that damned cross wind would have liked to have picked me up and set me down in Oz had i been in Kansas to start with - and i think it might have had Todo been along for the ride. instead it settled on driving me nuts by tormenting my race number. i had been playing cat and mouse with a 34 year old woman and a 35 year old man. neither of them were content with me being in front but neither of them were very content on holding a strong pace either. so we continued our little game until that damned race number really started a flapping in the wind. i reached back to adjust the bugger and what do you know?! the damned thing popped right out of its holder on the right side! OY! i immediately slowed my speed to try to maneuver it back into its rightful home with no such luck. 34 and 35 finally got to cruise on by without a peep from me as i pleaded with God to just help me get the dadgum thing back in a safe place so i could finish my ride. nothing. for a good 3 or 4 minutes i played with that thing and lost quite a bit of speed in the process. finally, i gave in, looked behind me - clear, pulled off to the side and re-fastened the number to the belt clip. those things are the most difficult contraption to work out on the course! it took me about a minute of all thumbs to get it back in place and finally - finally i was able to get back on the course to hammer out the rest of the miles.

i kept thinking how annoyed i was that i had to stop for such a minor detail, but then i quickly realized that i had it easy. there were handfuls of "man downs" littering the sides of the roads with flat tires and i was not one of them. with a "thank you God" and a heartfelt smile to Mary, i flew through the rest of the turns and made way to T2. the final 400 or so yard climb did not lend itself to spinning out the legs in the most enjoyable way so i pushed through strong and readied myself for the dismount line. hopping off and landing felt awkward at first, but CB had me do plenty of bricks so i was prepared for the wobbly nature of my knees and headed straight for my rack. i kept a clear head about me and even dumped my "trash pocket" before heading out. i didn't want any extra weight for the hours to come. i still had 13.1 miles to go and it would prove to be the hardest task of the day - both physically and mentally...

official time: 3:04:57
official mph: 18.2
official temp: who knows with the wind, but it felt like high 80's
official elevation: 997 ft
official feeling: confident, strong, ready to finish my first half ironman!

can you say cluster fux?!

woke up Saturday AM at 5, immediately heading to the kitchen to prepare my pre-workout breakfast of a sweet potato mixed with Barney Butter. on this particular morning i decided to add in a little raw honey as it adds in a natural anti-inflammatory factor - nothing new on race day so best to try it now right? i didn't like it as much with the honey, it was too sweet but i got it down in the midst of getting things together for the long day ahead. Dana and Ryan opted to do their own ride, leaving from the train station at 740 and heading up to Capistrano to ride back down the coast, adding in an off shoot to get in all the miles CB had prescribed. i wanted to get started riding no later than 730 and the whole train plus off shoot stuff seemed to be too complicated that early in the AM so i decided to do the ride on my own up and down the 101. here's where it gets interesting and the cluster fux ensued...

i wasn't on anyone's schedule but my own meaning i could start at any time i wanted. the sooner the better i decided because i really wanted to make it over to Don's 100mile fundraiser on the Strand afterwards (which so didn't happen - you're about to find out why). so the plan was to ride up the coast 30 miles, turn around and come back (all at race pace), jump off the bike, do a fast 4mile transition run at race pace, refuel and head to Coronado. i ended up not waiting till 730 and got on my way at 7 which only gave me an hour and a half of breakfast digestion time. did i forget that i know myself and my stomach much better than that?! i know that i can't eat less than 3 hours before a hard workout and yet i somehow thought an hour and a half would do?! really?! so off i was and at mile 6 i had to pull off on the side of the road to barf. there i am at 715ish on the side of the 101, trying to strategically hide behind a tree of some sort in order to shield the oncoming traffic and other riders from my two minute barfing spree. fortunately the tree was rather large and i was able to conceal my stomach's transgressions from the traffic but it just so happened that this particular tree had a sign laying just behind it made from metal, covered in leaves. so, although i am grateful to have had the tree for cover, i am horrified to come to the realization as i am bending over to hurl, that the spew will soon come directly back at me in splashes of orange colored debris as it ricochets off the God forsaken sign. this thought comes so quickly and fervently to mind that i momentarily try to rethink my plan but its too late - the barf is already leaving my throat and seconds away from hitting the sign. yep. beautiful. i now had to finish my ride (mind you i'm only at mile 6 of 60) with sweet potato juice splatters up and down my leg and on my shoes. wonderful.


when i finally hit Oceanside, i was amused (that's a total lie - more like frustrated to no end) to find out that the 101 actually runs out at the gates of Pendelton. i had no idea. i also had no idea that there's no way around Pendelton without getting on the 5 (yeah right, on my bike?! please) and what do you know, i didn't bring my ID because well, i never bring my ID. i know, i know - i don't need a lecture here, i'm now fully aware of how stupid that is. so i rode the bay of Oceanside, got my very frustrated self situated and started on the road back to Fletcher Cove. by the way, i was only at 20 miles - i'd have to make up the difference somehow.

by mile 28 i was finally able to choke down some nutrition and actually have it stay soundly in my belly. i had tried a couple times at mile 15 and again at mile 22 to no avail. and let it be said that i hit every single damned stop light from here to Oceanside and back. i maybe got to roll through a total of three green lights. horrible. by the time i hit 35 miles and was back near the car, i was irritated and ready to get off the damn bike. i was irked for being so ill prepared (non-knowledge of the route and lack of ID) and aggravated for going against what i knew my body could and could not do (digestion time or lack there of). at that point i could have turned right back around and gone the easy way back up the coast the exact way i had just come to finish up the mileage, but i wanted to punish myself for the morning's retardedness. Torry Pines? now that's punishment. so off i went with the destroy mentality this particular hill commands after stopping at my car to refill my water bottles. i tackled the climb in near record time and headed down into La Jolla to cover some more ground. when i finally got back to the car's vicinity, i was miffed to see that i was only at 42 some odd miles! oy!!! so up the coast again to where i thought i was going to break even back at the car only to find out i still had 2 more miles to cover until i hit 60!!!! are you freakin kidding me?!?! why in the world am i so damned spatially challenged?! why can i not do math!? the guys at B&L proably thought i was stalking them the way i kept riding back and forth in front of the store. so down the coast i went once again and finally - yes finally - i hit the magic number and was able to get off that damned contraption sitting beneath my very sore and tired crotchal region - only to be reminded that i am signed up for a mother effing Ironman at the end of next year, which is another 50 miles tacked on to that. i still had 4 miles to go of a transition run and i was so not happy. i called and left CB a death threat for talking me into IMCozumel (which he so nicely reminded me that he actually did no such thing, i had fallen into that one face first all on my own account).

i ran and felt like death. hot sticky roadkill death and then i saw a familiar face running towards me - going 100+ miles an hour. what do you know - Beth! she realized it was me and ever so nicely and quickly came back around to see how i was. she had just done a coast ride too except instead of a measly four mile transition run, she was running to Torry Pines and back! are you kidding me?! all of that and she was trucking along at a minimum 730 min per mile pace, i swear. it was amazing to witness. really - she's an animal and is going to tear apart the competition next year. i can't wait to see it. after that very humbling reality check of where i am on the whole triathlete spectrum, i punished myself even more by finishing the run going up a semi large hill to round off the workout.

i was fried literally - i had forgotten to apply sunscreen and physically - i didn't have much left in me. i checked my bike computer for shits and grins to see how pathetically i averaged out with all of the stops, loops and nutrition fiascoes - i was counting on a big fat ugly 14 to stare up at me - but i miraculously pulled off a 17. when all was said and done - bad, but not horrible. not my best but thinking back to my first time trial, by far not my worst. in the end i did not make it to the Strand to do more riding with Don. in the end i found myself sitting at a restaurant with the best gosh darn grilled mahi mahi mango salad i had ever put in my mouth. thank God food makes everything better in my book. hopefully i got out all the kinks and bad jujee that morning and am heading into the race scott-free.

here's hoping :)

toughness - is it in you?!

it's in me

it runs through every single solitary capillary, vein and artery in my body

it resides in my spirit

it occupies my mind

it flows from my fingers and toes

i think it

i speak it

i feel it

no one can take that from me, no matter how hard they try

and try they have

to no avail

i will sustain

i will fight

i will conquer

toughness - is it in you?!

this weekend was a mixture of pain, sentiment and fortitude. i saw kindness, concern, frustration and disdain. i saw the strength in some. i saw the weakness in others. i made the days mine and let no one tell me otherwise. realizations hit home and new facts came to light. there have been times that i have been alone in this life. there have been times that i have been surrounded by others and felt more alone then ever. and there have been times that i have been close to good people who don't judge, who don't make excuses who don't pretend. right now i want to be the best person i can be. i have my work cut out for me. the road to greatness on any front - whether it be athleticism, professional gain or personal growth - will always lead to struggle and strife. if it was easy to be great, then everyone would have a hand in it. its the constant struggle within yourself to think better, do better, be better. toughness. its something that comes from deep within. you have to find it somewhere - and that somewhere is not around the next corner, its not on the other side of the fence, its not even at the church down the street - its found in you. deep down in the farthest recesses for some, bubbling up to the surface ready to ignite for others. who has what where and what makes it so? who knows. i only know that if you can't find that toughness, keep on looking. its there, it just might be hiding out in order to make you want it that much more.

so i wrangled Chris, Joanna and Dana into a kick ass ride this weekend. the plan was to do the Great Western Loop in all of it glory. 40 miles of 4,846 ft in elevation gain. about half of that is climbing - meaning the other half is full of screaming down hills. fun, fun and more fun. it was to be my first time and i couldn't be more excited to get this thing under my belt. i hear comments all the time concerning this ride ranging from "it's my favorite ride ever!" to "oh lord, that was the hardest thing i've ever done!" i'm not gonna lie - i was scared. scared like when you know something awful is about to happen - your hands are sweaty, your legs are tense, your mind it sharp and your subtly doubting the essence of your very self in the face of something you are unsure you have the strength to transcend - yet you walk right into because you know there is absolutely no way around it. Dana had been sick all week, so i wasn't sure if the ride was the best idea for her. i invited her anyhow and let her make her own decision as to do it or not - she's a big girl, she knows what she can and can't handle. she opted in and the morning came without further adieu.

Chris was so nice to tag along and lead us through the route, as this was also Joanna's and Dana's first time. we all know how i am with directions so just having him there made me feel 100% better about the climbing and navigating ahead - plus he seems to be a really great guy so i was looking forward to getting to hang out with him and hopefully make a new friend. who am i kidding?! i was really hoping to snag him as an added training partner because he's fast and riding with those who are faster and better makes you faster and better and that's right where i want to be. challenged. so we headed out just a little after the 8 o'clock start time we had agreed upon to accomplish one of two things - eat up the course or let the course eat us up. i, for one, was not about to let the latter of the two happen.

we rode for about 7 or so miles before we came upon our first ascent. luckily i was able to keep up with Chris who warned "this is the steepest it gets, there's more of 'em - but nothing worse." okay, let's do it. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD ALMIGHTY JESUS CHRIST IN HEAVEN WHO PUT ME ON THIS EARTH AND CAN TAKE ME RIGHT BACK OUT - pain. pain and burning and utter fear took hold of my legs, my lungs and my heart. there was an actual moment when i thought this is it, this is how i am going to die. dramatic - yes i know, but i quite literally had it pass through my mind. the only other time i have ever struggled like that is when i've climbed Hernandez Hideaway. a moment always comes in each of these climbs where you find exactly what you are made of. the difference between toughness and weakness. surmounting or succumbing - and you know what? i pulled it off. i did not fall. i did not roll back. i trashed my legs, jacked up my lactic acid, screamed and cussed and inhaled so hard and deep and fast that i thought my lungs might explode, but i did it. i miraculously pulled the damn climb off and immediately realized how ugly and trashy and ungraceful i was at that exact moment and apologized to Chris. i felt it necessary to preface the upcoming climbs with an apology and a warning that he was going to see a very ugly side of me that not too many people get to see. lucky for him, that was the worst climb and the worst of my ugliness he had to witness that day as the ride just got more enjoyable as the miles passed.

we manhandled switchbacks. we navigated technical turns. we climbed great mountains and we flew down great descents. i talked the entire way. i gabbed about nothing at all and everything i could. Chris listened and he responded. he let me go on and on about my ideas for my team next year. he gave feedback and some direction. he listened as i talked about my brother and the inner turmoil of the past few years without judgement and without criticism. he listened and he responded. i kept us both occupied enough to keep our minds off the actual task at hand - to own this ride and make it ours - which in the end we did and did it well. Joanna had a fantastic ride as well and was so excited to have come along. we were all really stoked at the end of it for having had accomplished the task in such a way that we could all walk away and say "hell yeah! that sucked! that was awesome! that hurt so bad! i can't wait to do it again!" we high fived after it was all said and done and congratulated one another, revelling in the glory of our accomplishment.

Dana didn't join in on our dance - she had drawn on her inner self for the ride and was spent. i'm not sure how to help her realize the magnitude of her outward look and the sanctity of her inner acceptance, but i won't stop trying until she absolutely tells me to. i knew she was feeling things we weren't aware of and couldn't quite relate to, so i encouraged as best i could and let her tackle the challenges of the day how she deemed necessary.

Chris and i were slated to go the the TCSD BBQ at Don's so after making plans and getting directions, i asked Dana if she'd like to come along and was met with a simple "sure" and shrug of the shoulders which i took as an "okay, why not?" we headed to her place to shower and make our stinky butts presentable for the gathering ahead and had a grand time of it in the process. the party was full of good people, good food and good fun. i got suckered into the Fiesta 100, which has now (THANK GOD) been switched to the Strand 100 - a much more enticing ride to say the least, and an hour run to follow next Saturday. that, after i finish my own ride of 70 or so miles up the coast - hard and fast for the three week out preparation. the party was relaxing and light hearted and an all around fantastic time - exactly what i needed to wind down a great day of riding, learning and conquering.

toughness - yeah i got...do you?

double double toil and trouble

yep you got, this weekend was the very much anticipated double/double brick. CB has devised these little torture rounds to specifically target race day pace but also keep you and your legs guessing as to what's next. i love it! the previous double/double was a huge success. i gave everyone a run for their money with the time i decided to "add" in without telling them, but we all came out smiling in the end. this past weekend was 10X the intensity and almost double the fun - well at least for me it was. i'm actually not quite sure how Dana liked it...she was smiling afterward, so i took it as a positive.

because the TNT team had final prep that AM, Dana and i were the only takers for the brutality ahead. i only padded the time on the bike to make it 80/80 instead of 75/75 as listed on the schedule. the run was an easy 30/30 and i stuck to it. the goal was to go as close to race pace as possible save for the mandatory stops for lights, cars and small children. we met at 7:30. Dana had a flat before we even started, so we got that taken care of, finally saddled up and began what was to be a rip roaring good time. i took a (one scoop) bottle of HEED out on the bike + one plain water bottle for the first loop. we caught a green and i was immediately excited for the ride. i dropped the hammer straight away. it took me a while to get really warmed up - i'd say about 15-20 minutes into the ride - but when i did, boy howdy. i was already booking at such a good speed that when the fire in my legs really started a burnin' my speed just got better. it was incredible. i was passing and calling "left" like a woman possessed. i reached the turn around point (40min) and headed back. i took the next 5 or so minutes pretty easy as i slowly squeezed the new orange-vanilla GU Roctane down my throat - which for the record is not nearly as good as the vanilla bean, but definitely edible. at some point i saw Dana and screamed "time to turn it" because she didn't have a computer or a watch to keep track of her time. i kept hauling knowing that CB would want a full "race report" when i was done. i finished in exactly the same amount of time it took me to get out there. first leg of bike loop one = 40:43min, second leg of bike loop one = 40:43min (total time 80:26min). wow - on a roll and not stopping - i loaded up my bike, shoved on my other worldly Zoots, grabbed my cold water bottle, and headed out to complete the first leg of the run. nothing spectacular on that front except that i managed to again pace myself perfectly out and back - first leg of run loop one = 15:16min, second leg of run loop one = 15:14min (total time = 30:30min).

time for the second loop and i was feeling great. one more GU (vanilla bean, mmmm) and i was off to do it all over again. this time, unlike the last double/double, i was not at all dreading any part of what was to come. i was excited to see what i could or couldn't do. this round was all about keeping pace and/or exceeding said pace of the first round with the exact same distance covered. i reloaded with a fresh (one scoop) bottle of HEED and the remaining water left from the water bottle of the previous loop and began the thrill of limitless wonder. i pushed this loop even harder than the previous and ended up with the first leg of bike loop two = 36min. i took another GU Roctane and laid it down again. i felt great but knew that i would need to find the very fine line between pushing and saving something for the run. i was experimenting here - i wanted to find that breaking point, to see just how fast i could go without totally bonking on the run. so i just kept pushing it to see what would or would not happen. second leg of bike loop two = 38min (total time 74min). so stoked! so so so so so stoked! and off i was on the run again. here i just wanted to keep pace with what i had done on the first run loop. and guess what?! i did, but better!!!! first leg of run loop two = 15:06min, second leg of run loop two = 13:35min (total time = 28:41min).

HELL YES! YIPPEEE! and HOWDEEEE DOOODEEEE!

after Dana finished, we meandered around Solano Beach, ate, shot the shit and had just an all around good time hanging out. she seemed in much better spirits after this work out than she has in a long time so that made me feel good. and now that we have finally figured out what is wrong with Nemo, she'll be faster than ever and ready for redemption. now we just have to figure out how to keep her damn tires inflated ;)

total calories cosumed = 500kcals for 215 min of activity...is that good enough coach?!

OH YEAH - I FORGOT THE BEST PART!!! AVERAGE MILE/HR = 18.6 w/ STOPS, TOTAL MILEAGE = 48 :)

i'm sorry

i'm so sorry it happened. i know we're still in the "courting" phase of our relationship and i had no right to skip out on you like i did tonight. i know this is the first time but its not an excuse. i can't believe i was so caught up in my own thoughts and feelings, needs and wants that i just totally overlooked what you were thinking and feeling, needing and wanting. i've just been feeling so tired and worn out this week. you've worn me out quite frankly. still, i should have just been honest with you, told you i wasn't going to show, let you down easy instead of just going home to eat dinner. and yet, here i am writing it all down because i feel bad...well, i don't feel all that bad. i mean we do spend every single day together. we see each other at least once or twice and sometimes more a day. i spend countless hours riding your sturdy frame, but no - that's me being selfish again - it was foolish of me to not call or show. down right insensitive and now i am feeling remorse. after a delicious dinner and some research on the web, i sort of found my second wind and am ready to play. too bad its dark now and nearing my bed time. i promise to never stand you up again. i know this is not how relationships are supposed to work. you always do your part, perform as i ask, be where i need you to be and this is the thanks you get? it won't happen again. i will not let my self centered thoughts of tiredness, hunger or weakness get in the way of what we have. its special and i do not want to take it for granted. i've come to realize in this short amount of time that we've known each other, that i love you with all my heart and i don't know where i would be without you. you are my safe place, you help keep me grounded yet you know when to let me fly. you do so much for me and i can't tell you how much i care. so, again and again until you believe me and forgive me for the indifference i showed you tonight - i am truly sorry. you mean everything to me and i will not let you down again. please tell me you'll forgive me...i love you baby.

body - four, mind - zero

Saturday was not a day for the faint of heart FYI: date completely off at the bottom of the pic - Tina, you should def update that ;)

the plan - meet at 6:30 AM to ride by 7
the course - Iron Mountain loop X2 = a total of 60 miles
the nutrition - CB said no less than 300 calories per hour
the feeling - pure and utter fright

i hadn't attempted Iron Mountain since having knee surgery and quite frankly, i wasn't sure i was ready to tackle the feat once, let alone twice. i was the one who thought up the ingenious route. i was the one pumping everyone up to get ready for the arduous ride. i was the one fueling this fire and when it came down to it, i was scared. i mean i ride an 11-23. that's a time trial bike set up to the max. it was hard for me to imagine completing a 60 mile ride when my longest mileage to date was only 42 in a chain ring and gearing that was made for the flat and fast not the mountainous and brutally slow. as we gathered, a shot of nervousness pierced my heart and i wasn't sure i could do it. i started telling the others that maybe we'd need to regroup after the first loop to see how we felt. to then decide if the second loop was possible. if we could do it and then take it from there. i heard myself explaining that i had a scary set up and i wasn't sure if this was possible. i doubted myself more that morning than i had in a very long time. i couldn't find that inner strength that has been coming so easy to me as of late. i don't even have to ask if i can do something lately, i just do it with the sense that i can do anything. i just have to put my mind to it and it will be done. i don't know why it seemed to be missing that morning. Dana kept chiding me about being a wuss and backing out of my own workout plans and so on and so forth. i finally told her she could attempt the workout without using her last 3 gears or shut up about me not being sure if the second loop was indeed do-able. that way we'd both be on the same page and we'd have a level playing field throughout the day. she laughed in my face and said "yeah right" so off we were on the first loop.

the plan - take one loop at a time
the course - start at Poway Rd, head up to Highland Valley Dr, u-turn and head towards the Circle K and finally make the ascent back to the cars to regroup for round 2
the nutrition - water bottle filled with 1 1/2 scoops of Accelerade + one GU at the Circle K = about 370 calories give or take
the feeling - get it done

going up the to Highland Valley Dr did nothing to mollify my qualms. i found myself working hard early on. i was in the small chain ring, easiest gear and still having a hard time keeping my cadence high and my legs spinning. i took it really easy on this first leg of the ride and when i would start to feel myself pushing too hard, i'd ease up in order to save my legs for the monster ahead. i did drop to the big chain ring a lot, but it was because i needed it. i felt the need to push at certain points to get the lactic acid built up so i could ease off at certain points to work that lactic acid out. it was a very steady and precise balance i imparted on this leg of the workout. i listened to my body and obeyed its demands in order to produce the expected outcome - conquer Iron Mountain.

the down hill was a rip roaring good time. Ryan, Tim and i battled the winds and each other to be the first one down. it was this high spirited and fun demeanor that would lead us into the tough climb ahead. we regrouped at the bottom, pottied, took our GU's and headed out - or up if we're being technical. Ryan and i led the pack with Tim, Dana, Cindy and Robby close behind. i stayed on Ryan's tail end the whole way up the mountain -

tough
aggressive
determined
constant
enduring
unyielding

we tackled that mountain like it was our job. i'd never felt better. stronger. more powerful. i was taking it all in. the sites of dirt hills, open fields and beautiful landscapes. the sounds of roaring cars, birds and nature moving. the smells of freshly chopped Oak, Douglas Fir and Riparian saturating the air. i took it all in. i felt my spirit climb along with my legs and as i reached the top, i shouted "WOOHOO! let's do it again!" we still had quite a way to get back to the starting line, but i was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that i could do this again. that i would do this again. my body had just out done my mind one more time and a sense of awe overcame my center of attention. i was an animal. no thoughts entered my mind. no fears trespassed my heart. it was me, Muffassa and the mountain. we were one within the other and moved to a beat unheard by the likes of the others on the ride.

as we neared the beginning of the end, the adrenaline rose and i was indeed ready to not only start that second loop, but take it, wrangle it and make it mine. CB texted me to see how the day was going and when i told him, his one word response was "hammer" and that's what i did. i waited about 20 min for the rest of the crew to catch up and then we headed out - again - only this time there was no question in my mind, no doubt in my heart, no mercy in my legs. it was time to attack. to take no prisoners along my path of destruction. to lay it all out on the line and reap the benefits at the end. first loop: 01:51, just under 30 miles

the plan - divide and conquer the halves of this loop
the course - start at Poway Rd, head up to Highland Valley Dr, u-turn and head towards the Circle K and finally make the ascent back to the cars to celebrate the victory at hand
the nutrition - new water bottle filled with 1 1/2 scoops of Accelerade + one Accelgel at the start + one GU at the Circle K = about 490 calories give or take
the feeling - excitement

Tim, Dana, Cindy and i headed out. Cindy and Tim were to only do the first half of the loop - Poway Road to Highland Valley Drive and back. Cindy had to be somewhere and Tim wanted to run Iron Mountain with the TNT team. Dana and i were the lone rangers on the second half - neither of us were backing down. because i was really wanting to see what i could do on this loop, to really see what i could accomplish - what i was made of - i rode like the wind. i didn't stop to regroup. i didn't stop to chat. i was a woman on a mission and that mission was to see what the hell my limits were - if i had any - and if i did, to break them into a million little pieces so they could be swept up and discarded with the trash. i made it to the Circle K and was so excited to see Tina there with a huge cup of ice and an even bigger smile. she hugged me, told me i looked great and that she was proud of me. hell, i was proud of me. who knew i had it in me all along?! i stopped and replaced the empty space in my water bottle with ice, thanked her for surprising and supporting me and began the ascent.

arduous
painful
exhausting
exacting
determined
constant
enduring
unyielding

the second loop proved to be a horrible time. i was alone. i was hurting. i was tired. i was hungry. i wanted to be done. the good news was i only had 9 more miles to go and it would be over. the bad news was i had 9 more miles to go and it would be over. i played games with myself. sang songs to occupy my roaming mind. i thanked God for being able to feel this pain and push through it. i thanked him for allowing me to train with the passion, intent and fortitude i do and thanked him for giving me the sense to break free of things holding me down. i even talked to myself out loud at times of delirium. the temps were steadily creeping and were easily reaching the 90's. i had to get out of my saddle on at least 3 occasions - not to adjust my very sore and very achy bum, but to actually make forward movement possible. i was there pushing my body, learning what i could do, tearing down walls and breaking past limits. as i crested the last hill and saw the cars, i smiled. i cheered. i whooped and hollered. second loop: 01:55, just under 30 miles

the plan - celebrate my accompishment with food. lots of food. and sleep.
the nutrition - 2 water bottles filled with 1 1/2 scoops of Accelerade each + one Accelgel at the start of the second loop + one GU at each of the Circle K stops = about 800 calories give or take (i didn't completely finish either of my nutrition bottles)
the feeling - pure and utter awe

total workout: 03:46, just under 60 miles completed

i came. i saw. i conquered.

Iron Mountain what?! ;)

who's up for a tri?

is it considered a triathlon if there are only two participants?
As with most of my workouts - or torture sessions as they have so lovingly been referred to as of late by those partaking - CB sends me the time/mileage and i devise the routes and effort level. this weekend consisted of the following:

45min swim/at least 1mi + 90min bike/at least 25mi + 40min run/at least 5mi = great workout on already tired legs from the time trials of hell the week following up to this day.

i only had one brave soul answer my call to arms and with that Ryan M and i met at the shores Saturday morning at 730 to begin our day of training. we swam the mile on the clearest day yet, seeing to the bottom almost the entire way out to the half mile buoy. it was beautiful. it was peaceful. it was breathtaking. it was me thinking, "i better get this swim over with quick so my sandals are still there when i get out and my car hasn't been stolen with my not-so-hidden key!" we exited the water in 32 minutes to the very fantastic fact that all of my belongings were just as i left them. thank God drunks and thieves normally aren't early morning risers. next up the ride...

is it considered a triathlon if there is no official course or aid stations?
i decided the day prior that the bike portion of our day would consist of a 15 mile out and back. i thought it might be nice to head up Shores Dr (the horrible knee blowing downhill of the La Jolla Half Marathon), out to the infamous Torrey Pines hill and then along the coast until we hit the 15 mile marker as dictated by my bike computer. right off the bat, our first climb set the standard for the day's ride. in a word - gnarly. Ryan and i kept exchanging curses to the effect that who ever came up with this route must die, that she must be an evil bitch and that Ryan needed to set up better SPAM filters so those pesky emails couldn't get through. too bad all of said comments were directed at yours truly and even as i said them, i smiled a devilish smile of victory because i knew - in essence - we were about to get our asses handed to us on a platter. those comments continued throughout the entire ride and as we neared the turnaround point, Ryan noticed i was out of my nutrition mixture and would need to restock with water at the very least. that's when we had the very grand idea to crash the TNT transition workout just a mile ahead and steal their water and hopefully snacks :) steal we did and off we were to tackle the dreaded Torrey Pines hill (my first attempt at the task in over a year and a half) and get back to transition to start the run. i'll be nice here and just say that i had a good ride - as in i dropped Ryan :) i held a steady 21/22mph on the way back and even caught up to a pack of male riders and quite quickly dropped them. at the next light, they caught back up (okay - so i didn't really drop drop them, more like pass dropped them) where one of the riders made the comment "sorry. i just caught up, i was trying to find a bungee cord to wrap around your back tire" YES! SCORE! YIPPEEE! i'm not gonna lie, it felt good. really good. i gloated - just a little - with a quick smirk and soft laugh. i never saw the other riders again after that light. they must have turned but Bungee decided to stick with me and Ryan up Torrey and that's when Ryan got dropped. i only say this because he's fast and it makes me feel good to say that i beat him. in his defense, he was only going on 4 hours of sleep AND a night of drinking. so it was me and Bungee, duking it out to the top. i won :) and back to transition it was...

is it considered a triathlon if you get attacked by a yappy dog on the run?
i waited for Ryan to get back before we both headed out on the last leg of the workout. it was a gorgeous day at the beach with tons of people out playing football, soaking up the sun and walking their dogs. Ryan stopped about 10 minutes or so into the run to stretch, but i kept trucking along so i could just get it done - by this time i was beyond starving. i'd had one scoop of Accelerade/Ultima in my water bottle on the way out, one Accelgel at the half way point on the bike and water for the run. i had infact been asking Ryan where we were going for lunch since minute 10 of the ride. now it was minute 10 of the run and i needed food! at my run turn around - which i estimated to be about 2-2.5 miles - i was accosted by one of those yappy, shaggy dogs that can't weigh more than 5 pounds wet. the dadgum thing came out of nowhere and just started barking and lunging and God knows what else. i was lucky enough to divert disaster and continued on. Ryan wasn't so lucky. i kept wondering why i wasn't catching up to him on my way back to the cars. i mean, i was miraculously NOT lost and retracing me exact path out - he had to be here somewhere...right? that's when i saw him limping towards me with a hole in his tri shorts and in his leg. one of those yappy, shaggy dogs that can't weigh more than 5 pounds wet had accosted him as well, but got much more than my attacker did - a piece of his quad! he had already washed it out by the time i returned and was just ready to leave to get food.

is it considered a triathlon if you don't have a 4th event?
so that's what we did. we ate. we ate a lot. we ate a whole lot and afterward i smacked Bri (who was so nice to come and join us at our celebratory meal after his TNT session) for letting me eat ALL of my ginormo burger with bacon, cheese and avocado + all of my caesar salad. in my defense, CB had just told me on the phone to, "eat. eat protein. eat as much protein as you possibly can to rebuild those muscles." so that's what i did, and was completely chockablock of cow walking back to my car. so full infact that i all needed was a shower and a nap to complete my day.

is it considered a triathlon if you do more/less than was prescribed?
so our final day of training tallied up to the following:

32min swim/1mi + 112min bike/30mi + 40min run/4.5mi = kick you in the teeth workout that leaves you begging for your mommy and an ice bath :)

it was a great day of training. we worked hard. we got a lot done. we kicked ass and we took names. so who's up for the double loop Iron Mountain ride and run this Saturday? i promise it will be just as much fun if not more ;)