done and done

two 4:45AM spin sessions in two days? done
two yoga classes after work in two days? done

my appetite sure thinks i'm in full force training again, that's for sure. i had already eaten 4 times today by 1:45PM and again at 3:30 to get in some extra energy before attempting the toughest yoga instructor's class (by far - i think he likes to punish us for our undisciplined auras or something to that effect). so after just two days of activity, i'm STARVING! and eating a lot.

oh and i gave up all caffeine, all dairy and all additives this week and i'm trying to carry it as far as i can, or at least for a couple of weeks (Speedy has been seeing a lot of positive side effects from her Lenten denials) mainly because i've had too many "accidental ingestions of the gluten devil" in unsuspecting places, just waiting to pounce and attack my nervous system - sending me into bouts of unpleasantness. so the medical detox shake has been my first meal of the morning for the past 3 days and i'm already starting to feel a bit better. it is simply amazing what the right foods (or wrong ones in my case) can do for/to you! celiac is for the birds i tell ya...

so here's hoping the weekend goes as planned with an easy 60 mile ride on Saturday, time with my Iris and time with Dana (both LONG overdue!), a swim in the dreaded ocean BUT only if the weather is nice - that's the catch! and finally ending it all with a lovely South Beach dinner and catch up time with BG. its a full weekend - let's hope it all comes together smoothly. then, i'm hoping, the momentum will carry me into next week - into early morning swims, evening loops around Fiesta and more yoga to tap into my higher, spiritual self to pray for some sort of Godly guidance in this unclear life of mine.

have a great weekend. talk soon. much love and working out to you and yours :)

New Year's Eve

finally.

the close to a very tumultuous, trying year filled with massive change, weighted realizations, enormous accomplishments and mixed emotions.

i have a lot to be thankful for and even more to be thankful that i can leave behind.

no more talking about putting the past in the past, time to just do it.

starting yoga again has been a huge catalyst in releasing the bad, the old, the things that no longer hold purpose in my life and welcoming in the new and yet unseen potential of the future. this is going to be a big year - Vineman Half, AFC Half, IMCozumel to name a few and i'm starting to prep mentally and physically like never before. i am re-entering the tri world with ease, intelligence and low expectations since the expectations i set for myself are quite often way out of the realm of normalcy and tend to put so much pressure on my inner soul that i end up breaking after its all said and done. accomplishing the goals are just as fun in any manner, i do not have to kill myself in the process. keeping a clear head through this next year will be my main goal and keeping my body in the best shape for the challenges ahead is my main purpose - after that, all the rest is a bonus of infinite proportions that i will be grateful for in any way they are given to me.

happy new year's -

i hope it is filled with smiles, love, peace, joy and all the grandeur you'd like in whatever way you'd like it...

what a weekend

well the weekend turned out pretty good...

Friday - darted over to CPYPoint Loma to get in my favorite instructor's class (he kicks some serious ass) and also found out that this particular instructor is holding a Saturday session at the beach tomorrow morning! wow, what could be better?! the surf, the sand, hot yoga instructor...i'd say not much! so i called it an early night in preparation for my first road ride since getting my new tri bike. i was planning to be on the road by 7ish Saturday morning so i would be able to make the beach yoga by 10.

Saturday - woke up feeling ready to ride but leery because, although this is embarrassing to admit, i have never actually ridden by myself. i printed out directions for the San Diego International course preview and headed out on my new beauty (which has yet to be named and i think i know why - my aerobars are uncomfortable. i am having my bike guy switch out my Carbon T2 Cobras for the Carbon Strykes. i am hoping this way i can ride in complete comfort and finally name this thing!) with a bottle of Accelerade and my directionally challenged self. i stopped to look at my directions at least 3 times and still managed to take the wrong turn twice! i finally made it up Canon (in my small chain and easiest gear, oy) where i was met by two uniformed officers telling me it was too early for me to go past and i'd have to wait until 9AM to get on to Cabrillo National Monument Drive...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! can't a girl just get a complete ride in without always running into a hiccup? oh well. so i doubled back and put in some extra miles by going back to Harbor Island and doing a loop there before finally heading back to my apartment where i got ready and left to visit my favorite little coffee cafe for some joe before some Steve ;) yoga ended up being just what i needed but by far the hardest class i have ever participated in. between you and me, i think he was trying to kill us. then of course i pull a katie. apparently this was a "donations" class and i of course didn't have any cash on me because 1) i never carry cash and 2) i am broke. so i stood there in limbo for an entire minute debating if i should walk over to the donation tub and pretend to put money in or just leave. after doing the whole lean one way then the other at least 3 times, i finally decided on the latter and tried to sneak off, but by then he was totally aware of my retardedness and was sort of looking at me all perplexed like...really?! could i be anymore dorky?! ok, don't answer that, we all know i can BUT now the hot yoga instructor now knows it too. Lord have mercy...

my post training afternoon consisted of a very special baby shower to welcome Haileigh Goudreau to the family, 6 very strong and very yummy Patron margaritas, 3 ginormo beers of some sort that i did not partake in, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell and lobster tacos split between Bri, Dana and me at South Beach. Sadly, we had all done pretty taxing workouts that morning so we were yawning the entire time. when we finally decided to leave, we swore it was at least midnight only to find out it was 9PM!!!! ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. i don't even know what to say here except that i am embarrassed and ashamed of my 80 year old tendencies as as a 27 year old...i'm speechless.

Sunday - woke up and felt like a run. i know, i know...i just took a vow the day before to not run until i complete reading Chi Running, but i really really wanted to run. i needed to clear my head and decided a short run wouldn't hurt. i did NOT take my Ipod so i could listen to my body just as the book says and i ran. 3 miles. i kept it short and sweet and you know what...it was awesome. i could have kept running but i started to get a hot spot because of the no socks thing and was forced to stop. probably a good thing, but aahhhhh...i so love that feeling of the nothing between you and the road but the soles of your shoes, the wind gently rolling over your body caressing your face, your cares and worries dissolving through your soul like an hourglass down to the bottom of you feet only to be left behind in a trail of sand and fury marking your course until it all runs out and you are left with a clear mind and a knowing smile.

Sunday Funday at Bri's was next with quality pool time and of course mimosas. we then hightailed it over to OTB for some margaritas and dinner as we watched the Lakers pull a win out of their very lucky asses. oh well. the Celtics will pull it off when its all said and done :) this after Brian had quite adamantly declined going with us because he had too much to do...yeah right. ;) good times, good times.

all in all - pretty damn good weekend. just what i needed with my crying spells and cranky attitude. thanks you two, you are always there to pick me up when i am down rolling around in the muddy puddles of my own misery. luv u two!

FREAK OUT!!!!!

so i've spent the better part of my morning having a bit of a freak out regarding the up and coming 26.2 miles of hopeful camaraderie, positive thinking, extreme fatigue, and constant personal battles of the mind, body and spirit. i am in a word scared. scared shitless to be frank, and i'm not quite sure how to deal with it. sort of like a giraffe up a tree as a lion patiently stalks at the bottom, waiting to attack when it finally comes down. and come down it will. i mean, this is by far the craziest physical stunt i have ever attempted to do thus far. i will be singing a different tune come May next year, but for now, this is scaring me. my freak out came along right about the time my boss came in and and had me start planning out pace times, spectator locations and race day details. i guess it is about time to start planning out all the specifics but it just got my nerves a dancing. and i don't mean the waltz people. i mean the full fledged, full blown Stomp. and because i have been on strict "no running allowed" orders from the powers that be, my confidence level is quite low. not to fret - i do have a plan. probably not the most effective of plans in the world of plans, but don't the underdogs normally come out on top in this crazy world? can i not have my fairy tale ending of crossing the finish line in under 5 hours with a huge smile on my face and a body that has held up through the trials and tribulations of injury in the most successful of ways possible?! YES YES YES i say!!!!!

so the plan: first cortisone shot in the left knee last Thursday (check), Yoga Tuesday night (check), swim Wednesday morning (check), Yoga Wednesday night, course drive-by Thursday morning, two more cortisone shots in the good ole knees Thursday afternoon, see Spirit of the Marathon Thursday evening, swim Friday morning, Yoga Friday night, pick up the best mom in the history of moms late Friday night, packet pick up and relax Saturday, eat a really yummy dinner Saturday night and then (drum roll please)...wake up BEFORE the ass crack of dawn to head down to the start line to awaken the truly incredible physical aptitude my body has yet to reveal to itself Sunday morning.

what do ya think? good plan huh? :)

[enter lots of words of encouragement and positive thoughts here. i need them like a fat kid needs cake...with frosting...and lots and lots of sprinkles...maybe some ice cream too]

here we go kids. here. we. go...

Memorial Day Weekend

all in all it was a pretty good weekend. my summer Friday was this past week so i ended up having a 4 day weekend, which is fantastic! i watched some of the worst movies i've ever seen with my roommate who has proven that he is not allowed to pick out flicks by himself anymore if he wants me to watch them too :) i ended up doing SAG on Saturday AM for my team and got to hang out with Eric, who is quite literally one of my favorite married friends. i was really bummed to not be able to do the run, but i am listening to my doctors this time instead of my usual stubborn, bull headed pride and staying off my knees until race day. Sunday was met with an early morning Hot Power Fusion class followed by church and lunch with Gunn where we were able to let off some steam and get our most recent personal debacles off our chests. i was also able to get the majority of my room unpacked from the move and can finally see the floor, so that's fun, but now i can see just how dirty the carpet is. i'm thinking i might need to get some kind of large rug to add a little zing to the place :) i then received a cryptic text message from Ang asking me if i wanted to do something crazy. i respond with a "sure," as i am always down to have some much needed fun and crazy time with my girls. i was then directed to a bar downtown where i proceeded to get intoxicated with my boss (it was her birthday). they had been drinking all day and wanted me to quickly "catch up." so, after one Bull Blaster and 3 chocolate martinis...well you can imagine the rest. at least i was able to meet some pretty cool characters along the way where i proceeded to have lengthy conversations that i can't really remember and random meetings of the minds on everything from politics to rugby. fun times ;) which brings us to Monday...Memorial day, where i proceeded to fry myself beyond recognition. again. you might think one would learn seeing as how i had a very recent experience just a couple of months ago, but alas, the inner workings of my brain had been discombobulated due to the previous nights drinking rendezvous. Brian and i headed to the OB beach around 12:30, which happens to be only 2 miles from our place, where we basked in the beautiful mid day sun. i fell asleep as he played in the absolutely frigid Pacific Ocean and when he finally came back to dry off, i was burnt to a crisp. like frog legs frying in a vat of oil. and now, now almost 24 hours later, i am paying dearly for my poor judgment. because the wind was blowing quite steadily and the temps outside never got above 72, i didn't think i needed to put on sunscreen. i actually thought it would be too chilly for us to stay long enough to do any damage. boy oh boy did i misjudge that! suffice to say, i will be hurting for days to come and praying that my body has time to heal between now and Sunday, seeing as how i am about to embark on the most crazy physical challenge of my lifetime...well, thus far. pray for me. please. i need it :)

it's time

let me just start by saying that when i sit to write in my blog, i use it as a very personal healing tool. i do try to make it somewhat witty, enjoyable and endearing on the very off chance that someone might happen upon it and take the actual time to read it, but mainly i write because its what i know how to do. it helps me work out and through my feelings of sadness, heartache, confusion and despair in hopes of finding the beauty, serenity, peace and calmness that comes from taking in life for all that it is, all that its worth and all that it is meant to be. the past couple of years have dealt me lessons that i believe no one should have the displeasure of ever experiencing, lessons that everyone learns from and lessons that could have been avoided by a simple right turn instead of the left one i decided upon. i guess that's how life works - a multitude of paths and principles that merge and lead to the one single pebble lined road along a green grassy knoll high atop a beautiful mountain pass that is your life, where you are able to take in the cleansing pure air of the present, relinquish the purposeful yet suppressing air of the past and look out upon the vast openness that can be and will be your future, when you decide to take it, however slowly or quickly you wish to proceed, as long as you remember that it inevitably will, proceed that is. so the sooner you are able to harness that feeling of pure energy and excitement and ride this beast called life, taking the reigns to lead it where you want to be, the closer you'll be to finding that thing that completes you, and isn't that what we all strive to do...?

so, i am happy to report that i am finally feeling like a human being again. yesterday started out to be what i thought was a day of finally feeling normal again, but after not being able to keep down my breakfast wrap or my lunch smoothie or anything solid for that matter in 5 days, i had resigned to the sickness for yet another day...until i decided to go to yoga. i wasn't too sure it was the best idea seeing as how i had consumed maybe a total of 1,000 calories over that 5 day period, but i knew i had to do something to get this crud out of my system. in the past whenever i have been sick, sweating it out was my go to and has rarely failed me in getting through whatever it is that ails me. the thing that made me leery this time is that i have never in my life been this sick...ever. but alas, i am impatient, so waiting this monster out was just not cutting it anymore and if it's worked before, what's to stop it from working now? nothing, i concluded and headed over to the Hillcrest studio to attempt to catch, strangle and stifle, punch and kick, attack and kill the sicky that has consumed me for far too long. AAAAAAATTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

i told Clea about how sick i had been just in case i happened to attack this thing too aggressively resulting in a death in the midst of what's supposed to be her very invigorating and tranquil Core Power 2 session. like a "save your ass" clause so she would know what the delirious child like form in the back of the room was up to. she softly smiled and laid a gentle hand on mine to assure me i would be fine. i will take a moment to describe this woman because i believe her spirit is worth mentioning. she is a bit taller than i, maybe about 5'5" but a goddess of a woman with a perfectly sculpted body of pure muscle and finesse. her long brown hair is always pulled back into a neat pony tail with a simple rubber band to keep it from dangling in her eyes. but her spirit is what grabs you. when she talks, its a very strong yet soft tone that sings to your soul and heightens your awareness. you listen to what she is saying but more importantly to what wisdom she is imparting to you. you can see that she lights a flame in the eyes of all of us, a different size in each of the students who attend her class. her technique isn't to push us but to gently reach up under us, as if we were delicate flowers of all sorts, and set us atop of some new height we have yet to ascend. she feels with her words and guides with her touch. she stayed near me throughout the entire class, assisting me so that each posture was deeper than the previous and the healing blood was able to blaze through my being and overwhelm whatever it was that was holding me back from getting better. it was a release that i had yet to experience through my yoga practice. and at the end, just as if she were perfectly in tune with my aura, with what i needed to hear, she reminded us "you are exactly where you are meant to be, right now, in this exact moment, this is right where you are supposed to be. trust in that. trust in the fact that you are who and what and where the universe wants you to be. trust." i cried. right there in the middle of downward dog, tears streaming down my face as i released a huge part of sadness that had been weighing on my heart for the past couple of months, waiting to detonate like a nuclear bomb. sweet sweet release, like just simply cutting the tether and sending it out to float amongst the atmosphere, no longer threatening to completely demolish my inner sanctity.

no matter how painful it has been, it has brought me to this exact moment, and in this exact moment i can only go one way from here. this is not to say my heart is magically mended and the world is a bright shiny place where people don't betray or lie or cheat, but it is to say that i have surrendered the chaos and the pain and the relentless wondering over in trade for a much needed rest of the soul. trust - its a powerful word that in the wrong hands can do irreversible damage, that is, if you let those hands guide it. trust - its a powerful word that in the right hands can work miracles and pull you from ground zero into the light of a sparkling day where the possibilities are endless, if you guide it...

oh yeah, and i ate TWO bowls of homemade chicken soup that i whipped up right after class (organic chicken broth, spices, bean sprouts, shredded broccoli stalks, chicken breast and sliced carrots). it was like nectar from the gods and it healed me :)

the good, the bad and the ugly

the good - i got back in the pool today after more than a year of not swimming...not at all, not even putting my big toe in the water with the intention to use the freestyle stroke to get me in any direction...yeah, its been awhile. the alarm went off at 4:44 AM but i finally got up at 5:05 thinking if i just get there and in the water by 5:30, i should be good to go for an hour swim and still make it back in time to shower and get things settled for work. the plan was to do a 400 meter kick, 400 meter pull and a 1200 meter slow, steady swim.

the bad - i got lost on a 5 mile island....really?!?! i don't know how many times i have been to the Coronado pool, but apparently not enough to actually know where i am going. i arrived on the island by 5:15ish not to actually get to the pool until 5:40ish. how does that happen?! i was frustrated that i hadn't gotten directions, after all i could quite literally get lost in a dadgum shoe box. i had finally given up and was headed back in the direction i thought was home, but alas, i happened on the pool instead. God works in mysterious ways. i finally got my butt in the pool and moving by 5:45.

the ugly - and when i say ugly, i mean UUUG-LYEEE! can one forget how to swim? the answer is yes, absolutely. i could elaborate more on this show of utter hilarity that i am sure the poor lifeguards are still laughing about, but i will save myself the humiliation of putting it in words and let you imagine what a dying rolly polly looks like when he unexpectedly falls into a pool...disaster. i have A LOT of work to do on my stroke...its a good thing my first race back won't be until Wildflower Half of 2009. thank God i have all of that time to re-learn to swim and, God help me, improve!

i didn't get in all i had intended bc of my inaptitude to get anywhere by myself when it involves knowing exactly where i am going. so i cut the 1200 to an 800 to total my workout at 1600 meters but was happy with my showing, even if it was at the expense of my pride :) i ended the day with yoga at 7:15 PM after a long day at the office, and i'm planning on getting in another CP2 at 6:30 AM tomorrow to start the day as i have two test rides at Hi-Tech tomorrow evening:)

yes, you read that right, i am getting a bike...a real, bonafide tri bike. and yes, you can be VERY excited for me ;)

workouts this week

here's what has happened so far:

1) Monday - rest and attend Sport Endurance Lecture at Coastal with Dr. Martinez; very interesting session where i learned a bit more about how fat is utilized as an energy source in long distance events and endurance athletes and how it is superiorly efficient to glycolisis. other things were covered as well, but this is what has been on my research plate most recently so i was stoked to get information from a doctor who knows what he is talking about.

2) Tuesday - 4 mile run from Fiesta to De Anza and back without the orthotics in (Greg says he'd like me to start doing my shorter runs without them to see how it goes. he doesn't think i really need them, but that just stopping cold turkey might tweak something, so continue with them for the long runs...seems to be fine so far. this was my second short run without them in). Run felt pretty good, but also pretty slow. my energy was lacking. CP2 class: (Clea) A-MAZ-ING hour long sweat session that left me feeling revived and clear headed, not to mention soaked to the bone.

3) Wednesday - CP2 class: (Brad) hour long session, not quite as intense as last night's but still good. i felt extremely tired and completely worn out today, but the class helped me work some of that out. i felt great afterward and ready to get some rest.

here is what is to come:

1) Thursday - i am planning on a short 4 mile run from Fiesta to De Anza again. i am really tired today and feeling like recovery is not coming easily for my body. i think its because of the length of these past couple of long Saturday sessions. i think just running tonight should suffice and then to bed as early as possible.

2) Friday - CP2 class: (TBD)...

3) Saturday - 20 FREAKING, GOD FORSAKEN MILES OF PAVEMENT, FOLLOWED BY LOTS OF DRINKS OF THE ALCOHOLIC NATURE TO SUBDUE THE INEVITABLE PAIN I AM GOING TO INFLICT ON MYSELF...IS THIS THE DEFINITION OF MASOCHISM?! Lord have mercy on my body. please keep my legs long and strong, my mind sharp and focused, my spirit soaring and my sanity in tact...Amen.

4) Sunday - CP2 class (TBD if i can walk) and i am supposed to move today...oy vey in the most exasperating sense of the term

:)

i love you, i love you, i love you!

i know you have all heard it before - love at first sight. you just see all the good in one single package and all seems right with the world. this is how i felt the first time and i was so overwhelmed...i had never felt this way before, so relaxed, so at peace, so relieved to have finally found the one. i wasn't ready at the time to commit, but being there again last night, in that place i first met my match, brought it all back. i mean its a very liberating and serene feeling to be so connected. i feel like i've been searching all my life for the thing that balances me out, centers me in a way that doesn't bring me down or hold me back, but instead lifts me up and allows me to see the strength in myself. i love you for the insight you have brought into my life. i love you for making me sweat more than i ever thought i could. i love you for stretching me to new heights and pushing me beyond my limits - physically and emotionally. you bring clarity and tranquility to my very stressful and hectic life. i love you for pushing me along and helping me to become the person i want to be....Core Power Yoga, i love what you do to me ;)