Wednesday, March 14, 2012

well i almost shit my pants yesterday...

yes, you read that right. i took maggie on our first "after work" run last night. perfect trail weather, about 76 and the sun was just about setting. we got to Dunbar with exactly enough time to get in one loop of the long trail. i had used the bathroom before we left the house, but was still feeling (and looking) really bloated, like i had a small baby living in there and i said to myself, this not crossfitting is really starting to show...not to mention the steroids are really effing with my bathroom schedule. so i just figured go with it, what better motivation do you need to go run than to look pregnant when you're SO NOT?!?!?! so anyway, we get there, we get out on the trails and the sun was setting at a pretty steady pace. maggie was actually cooperating for the first time in like 3 runs and i was excited bc we were making good time. i think we only ended up passing like one, maybe two, other joggers so i knew the trails were more empty than not. we finally get to the end of the big loop and the pain in my stomach that i started to notice about the half way mark decidedly increased in a major way and i thought, holy shit! i have to shit!!!! and then the praying ensued, "please God don't let me shit my britches" over and over and over again. we ran past some people packing up their fishing gear and the park ranger making his last round to clear the trails and all i could do was look for a hidden place to...well you know, shit. ugh, so humiliating! i knew it was getting bad, to the point of no return just as we hit the top of the steps to get back to the truck and i just dove into the bushes near by, did a ubber quick scan all around, hid behind a huge laid down tree trunk and dropped my pants...had i waited a nanosecond longer i would have been driving home with it in my britches, it was that close. and maggie just stood there looking at me like, "and this is what happens when you make us run fast mom, we both have to shit." bahahahahahaha. i quickly wiped myself with the plastic bag i brought to clean up after her, cleaned up my little indiscretion and high tailed it back outta the bushes to the dumpster and then on to the truck so no one would see us :( it was awful. and the worst part about it was that my stomach didn't stop hurting until we got almost home, like i gave birth to a poo baby and the contractions were still creating aftershocks...disgusting huh? i'm telling you this bc the hubby and i once had a conversation about shitting your pants and that i had never...well,  it almost happened and. it. was. not. fun. in the least. bahahahahahaha, hope you're having a good one and this made you laugh...its still making me laugh ;)

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