WHAM!

hit by a moose. and not the cute and friendly Bullwinkle type of moose either. no. no it was a big, hairy, snarling mean moose - going 90 miles an hour on a dark and lonely one way road. i was meandering - the kind of meandering you do after a killer 40 mile ride followed by a mile swim and a 9.5 mile run the following day - minding my own business, keeping to myself and WHAM! out of nowhere. blind sighted by a moose. and boy howdy am i feeling the effects today. my legs feel like lead logs. my arms feel like dead tree limbs. my chest feels tight. i've felt barfy all day long and my body just doesn't want to do anything that even remotely requires energy expenditure - much less swim, bike or run. where in the hell did that damn moose come from and how in the hell did he get into the streets of San Diego?! its a conspiracy i tell you. the mooses of the world have decided to unite and try to knock katie b off her rocker - which you may already think has happened - mentally, but this is an attack on my physical. how dare they. don't they understand that i just want to do really well at this upcoming race. like better than really well, i want to do great and greatness comes from relentless training, determination, fortitude, sacrifice and guts...

or maybe it was a land shark. i've always believed they were real. maybe its really the land sharks of the world uniting to take me out. so maybe it happened that i was meandering down a dark and lonely one way road when WHAM! out of nowhere. blind sighted by a land shark. those pesky nightmarish animals are sneaky sons of bitches - distracting you with a gnarly workout, getting your legs and arms and lungs good and tired so they can take your feet right out from under you - leaving you crying and crawling in the dust, just trying to make your way back to the sanctity of your bed so you can rest and recover from the shock of it all. i mean land sharks - it is a rather unsettling and mostly unforeseen phenomenon when they hit. they could leave you mangled or even decapitated for all i know. its a wonder i got out alive at all in this particular assault, seeing as how i can barely hold my head up and exhaustion is beginning to feel like my go to instead of the energy i had been feeling the past couple of months.

and then, after all of this - the extreme trauma of it all - someone actually had the nerve to suggest that it was not at all a moose or a land shark - that i might just be over training. over training?! what does that even mean?! over training. hmpf. right. i don't even think that's a real thing, especially when your training for a half or full ironman. i mean long hours, tired legs, sleepless nights, early morning rising, personal sacrifice and celibacy - that's what training is all about for these long distance races. right? RIGHT?! of course it is (well maybe not the celibacy part, i just threw that in seeing as how i am celibate right now and i'm not exactly sure how i feel about that fact - but that's neither here nor there and quite frankly i don't even know why i brought it up...Lord have mercy) and i thank you for being so agreeable about the whole thing. its nice to know i have people who are on my side when it comes to this sort of thing.

so that damned moose or land shark or whatever it was that so fiercely and viciously besieged my poor ass this past Monday leaving me gimp, debilitated, depleted and spent has got to be found, wrangled, tied up and shot. he's a mean one - leaving you with the feeling that you've just been run over by a MAC truck that not only rammed you from the front, but watched you fly down the street with forceful impact, saw you in his rear view mirror, adjusted his seat belt for maneuverability, popped the gears into reverse and ran over you one more time just to make sure you were down for the count. or maybe, just maybe it was the moose or the land shark actually driving the MAC - like i said, sneaky sons of bitches. watch out kids - he's out there and on the lurk. so be weary of those murderous workouts your putting yourself through - you never know if that monster is waiting just around the next corner to WHAM! take. you. out.