Wednesday, October 1, 2008

OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD

i know i have been a blogger slacker as of late. starting school back up after 4 years of being out (and an accounting class at that!), working full time and trying to get in all of my training has proven to be more than this little person can handle. oh and trying to find a new place to live, can't forget that major distraction. i am in full freak out mode. my ride this AM was horrible. legs felt like lead. knees were killing. movement was slow. not good. not good at all. haven't been sleeping. feel like poo. what else - i'm scared shitless for this race. everyone has been so supportive - telling me how great i'll do, how strong i am, how fast i am...but what if i'm not? what if i don't finish well? what if i'm not as strong as i think i am? what if i let everyone down?

okay, this is me being melodramatic. i know none of it really matters. what matters is that i do this race - my first half ironman, in my hometown with my parents there to see it - and have fun. i know that it won't matter where i finish, just as long as i finish. no one will be disappointed and ultimately no one will really care, but that's logic and logic is not ruling this day and i am freaking out. i've drank so much coffee this AM that i am literally shaking sitting here at work trying to get all the last minute details of the new big account, the contract and the invoices ironed out so i won't have that stress on my plate while i'm back home trying to enjoy every last second i have with my little boomba. tomorrow is Clark's birthday and the original reason why i am making the trip home, but again, as i have always done - i have made the entire weekend about me and my life. that wasn't what i had planned to do - celebrate Clark's life and the gift he left us was what i had planned to do, what i wanted to do. shitty sister. shitty aunt. shitty person. so much to work on in this quest to be a better person and this just shows me how far away i actually am. no wonder things are the way they are right now - i have to be better. i want to be better.

so here's hoping to a good race, not letting anyone down and being a better person at the end of the day because my morning is severely lacking. wish me luck...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ouch...that *is* a tough morning.

Being a novice triathlete myself you'll probably just chuckle at my two cents but here it is...have fun.

My very first race was the Santa Barbara long course which is some weird distance...shorter than Half IM and longer than Olympic.

I was SLOW. But my goal was to finish and not get hurt and have fun and I totally achieved all three.

I predict you'll not only have fun but you'll beat your own expectation pace-wise.

Tina Marie Parker said...

Good Luck Katie..

Shoot for the moon.

Hugs,
Tina

Benson said...

Luck has nothing to do with it,
You're ready to ROCK!
Speed is your name.

BAM said...

I would be more concerned if you weren't worried.

Pretty simple math - when you start the race say "whatever" and when you finish, say "thanks".

Remind me of that when i am freaking out 7 weeks from now.

Kick ass!

Paul Anderson said...

Hmmm...what if? What if you don't break 6 hours, what if you are the last person to trot across that finish line, will you have let everyone down? NO! You've already done the hard part, which is the training, and you've inspired countless people. So HTFU, go out there, have fun, and work up an appetite for some of that gluten-free bbq waiting for you at the end of the race.

rocketpants said...

You are going to do awesome. Get out there, relax...enjoy...enjoy the time with your family and friends. Share with others the excitement of it all...lay all expectations of time aside and just push through like you have been training. You have done all the physical work...now it will be about the mental game and you are prepared.

Mary said...

Good Luck Girl! You're going to kill it!

Search This Blog