that's what i was told. and so that's what i have realized i need to do. i normally jump into things head first, no thinking, just acting. this time is different. my head won't let me jump. my heart isn't in it right now, in fact i don't know where that dadgum heart of mine is hiding. definitely not where its supposed to be. and my resolve? where is that? i guess they're hiding out together. i never really liked hide and seek...
i had grand plans this week - time trials, biking and swimming - oh my! but in real time, not much if any of that has happened. i did manage to wake up at 445 this morning to get in an hour spin session but that's it so far. no time trials have happened - at all. i did finally find my heart rate monitor strap only to realize for the 100th time that i have NO clue how to work the damn thing. my electronic stupidity is sort of astounding at this point. but really i didn't even use that as my excuse. for the past two days in a row, i have packed up my car with all of my riding stuff so that right after work i could head straight over to Fiesta to do what my coach has been asking of me - time trial. and what do you know? both days, right about 3 - i feel this huge pressure building in my chest and weighing on my mind and all of the sudden my energy is zapped and training is the very last thing i want to do. so, i don't do it. just like that. giving up before i've even started. who is this person inhibiting my body? where has the girl of last season gone? she was so excited, determined, ready to do it all and with great passion and verve - what has happened to all of those grand feelings? i don't know, but today started with a baby step. this evening i will take another baby step and go to yoga. tomorrow my third and fourth baby steps will occur with another early morning spin and another evening yoga class and then, THEN i will do a real ride out on the actual road early Saturday morning and pray to the Holy God Almighty that it can carry me into the week, through the month and onto the season ahead.
baby steps.
7 comments:
Katie my dear it is called burned out. Baby steps are good and when you get going again you'll make giant steps. You have a huge heart and will that will not let you down.
I look at the tri bag by the door everyday, read what people are training for and use those two things to get myself in gear.
Just wished I lived closer an dnot in the middle of BFE. (I wouldn't trade it though:))
Besides think Vineman and how you felt when you and Bri went riding, or how you ran all of us in and remember you are human.
Katie, I don't know what CB is telling you, so he may not like my advice, but I'll give it to you anyway. Don't force yourself. Obviously you're not ready right now. Do what you feel like doing and hopefully you'll get that fire back.
I know it's frustrating when you don't have that drive that you remember having, but sometimes you just need to take a break--even if it's longer than you feel like it should be or that you want it to be.
If you take the time now, you'll be back. If you try to push yourself now when you're not feeling it, you'll only get more burnt out.
Don't worry--you'll be fine!
oh, CB has been more than accomodating and he keeps jumping at my dates that i throw out at him to start training again. i feel bad that i keep tricking him into thinking i'm really going to do it this time around. the problem is getting started again. i just cant seem to do that first series of workouts - especially when its cold out, its dark, i dont want to and i'm alone...it all adds up. thankfully, roo is going to let me ride with her this weekend and i'm hoping to christen the season with my first ocean swim on Sunday if the weather is nice...
you MUST work out every single day for the next 250 days, no if's and's or but's. otherwise you will fail in cozumel.
oh wait, that is a total fabrication. seriously, relax. breathe deep, ease back into it and you will find your groove. you just have to start, however slowly that is. you are fine!
You know what gets me through early morning workouts? A hangover. And as little sleep as possible. So I say grab the bourbon and have a blast!
Sometimes we can jump into things and sometimes we have to ease into them.Last season for me was a LOT of trying to even figure out if I wanted to even *be* a triathlete anymore...and all of that was due to mental drain of prior to moving here. It is really hard when one is mentally drained because it *seems* like nothing is 'wrong'...but the past few months have been REALLY stressful on you in a variety of ways in many different PARTS of your life. Give yourself some time. You will find a new way back and that will be part of the adventure.
"just put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walk'n out the door"
I think that's a song from an old musical.
Anyway,
Keep at it and you'll be fine.
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