Tuesday, January 24, 2012

been feeling discouraged...

the past couple of days. someone pointed me to Psalm 34:

1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 I will glory in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from telling lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to blot out their name from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD will rescue his servants;
no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

i'm not fearful or struggling, i don't know what i am...just discouraged in my heart. but i downloaded some "Jesus" music last night and i sure did have a worship service on my way to work this morning in the car...i, of course, crying the majority of the time...does anyone else get overwhelmed with emotion when they try to sing praise music at the top of their lungs? seriously, its embarrassing. even at church this happens...for shame. i know i look like a head case when this happens...i mean what would you think if you glanced over at the car driving beside you only to see a tear streaked face, belting out, from what you can tell, the most horrifically off key notes you can imagine, a silly grin beneath the smeared mascara...yep, i knew it. HEAD. CASE. ;) IDK, i just go with it and try to compose myself at some point in the song when i realize its gotten a leeeeeetle out of hand and the passers by must be calling 911. watch out, crazy Jesus freak on the road!!!! bahahahaha, its so weird to refer to myself as that, a Jesus freak, but alas, that is what i have become and i can't imagine my life any other way. i used to think my mom was so dern weird when she'd put on her "Jesus" radio stations and sing away, like, really mom? do we have to listen to this crap?! that's what i thought it was, crap and now its my favorite thing to listen to! now its my husband who says it to me, really katie?! do we have to listen to this crap?! ha! and to think i've wasted so many years not knowing my God...its saddens me to no end, but that's not what finding Jesus is about - regret. its about hope for the present and dreams for the future. keeping your eyes focused on the now and not the then...knowing that what is important is where and who i am in this moment. the sky is the limit and my Creator is my guide. if God is for us, who can be against us? XOXO

ps. you may "notice" i am not perfect, i still have unholy thoughts...man oh man am i unholy sometimes, i cuss, i over-react, i let my emotions get the best of me, i sometimes am mean and gossip (especially with el hubbo), i slip from the horizon and find myself beneath the light, and sometimes i fall, but the broken limbs are no longer, just small scrapes are what i have to show now for my stumbles and a sense of knowing when i've messed up, asking for guidance and help to not let it happen again, to be more aware of myself and my triggers, and i stand back up and take another step and another after that, until i come upon another bump and hopefully, before that bump turns into something more, i can ask for guidance and help BEFORE i slip, or God help me, fall...

1 comment:

Butter Baby's Creations said...

You are so making your mama proud! Have you started letting go of the steering with with both hands raised high towards heaven while driving for that short moment with your knee?

Search This Blog