Sunday, January 22, 2012

a couple of things

1. i haven't talked to the hubby in over a week. this makes me a) cranky and pissy - which are really one in the same, b) frustrated and c) sad...i'm feeling all of these, even though i know he is busy, even though i know he loves me, even though i know he's thinking of me... i'm feeling all of this because it makes it seem that calling is too much of an effort. that this huge last week i had, filled with stress and lots of hard work and even some breakthroughs, i wasn't able to share with my best friend.

2. for a year now i have not been able to clean over 90#. i've been on the verge of getting 95# up so many times, but i always drop it at the last minute without being able to successfully get under it...yesterday i worked out with some girls that i don't normally get to see and they were strong. really strong. and really nice and even more encouraging and you know what? 105#!!!!!! it took me three attempts, but finally, FINALLY - i got my ass underneath it and shoved it up...BAM! it was bad was ugly, but bad ass none the less. awesome.

3. my team reviews went well. even my two tough ones even went really smoothly. i prayed for a heart of a teacher/mentor and both of the negative reviews i had to give came from a place of making the two employees better and it was received as such. that was huge, that i was able to guide and not condemn.

4. my review went well with my boss. did learn a couple of things that i need to work on, one of which is i need to remember that my boss is my boss - no matter how much i like her, no matter how much she asks about how i am and whats going on in my personal life, i do NOT need to let her in on it all. she didn't need to know the extent of my husband trying to divorce me, ALL of the pain i was going through...she doesn't need to know that i worry about the little one in the house for 14 hours a day and that i am working hard to try and fix the situation ASAP, but that i still get very anxious about it all. she doesn't need to know that something, anything is bothering me...she is my boss, ultimately, not my friend and i need to act as such ALL the time. this is strength, not to pretend everything is alright all the time, but to not wear my emotions on my sleeve and to do my job when i walk in the office.

5. its been two weeks since i cheated...i had chocolate Friday night, Saturday night and i just had some after my afternoon meal...all glorious. i also had a gluten free pizza on Saturday night. i'm not feeling awful about all of it, as i plan on doing a cheat day every other week anyhow, but i over did it. i am still on track though with the no drinking for three months. its been two weeks without any alcohol and i'm doing just fine. i did want some wine in a major way after Thursday and days, but i held off...maybe that's where all the chocolate came into play...ah well. i think my coach should have my food plan to me in the next week and then that's when the true test starts...mission "16% body fat stat" will be set into play and she will determine my cheat or non cheat days...hope she's nice about it ;)

6. still loving our church and my walk with God...i can't believe there was ever a time when i doubted Christ's love for me...1 Corinthians 10:13 was in my inbox the other day "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." which really makes me feel ashamed of all the terrible mistakes i've made, but more so, makes me grateful that i will never make them again. now that i know God's love, i will never forget it, i will never ignore it, i will never walk away from it and i will always cherish it....and i hope you will too. i hope you know how much He loves you. He has promised to never leave you nor forsake you...He is a God of redemption and He will NEVER let you down. Matthew 7:7-8 "“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." just believe. XOXO

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